Vaccinated, Hydrated, Lubricated.

If you’re wondering how I’m doing, I’m doing the same as I was last week. And the week before that… and the week before…


Having lived now for almost a year in conditions that can loosely be described as an open jail, I have adjusted fully into my new lifestyle: I go for runs, I masturbate furiously (my fantasies having changed from sordid affairs with senior politicians, to a new fantasy: foreign travel without someone having to stick a cotton bud up my nose first, maskless trips to the supermarket, eating a meal I haven’t had to cook, etc). I plan my meals, wash my hair, allow myself small luxuries (a manicure and pedicure can be obtained, secretly, even in times like these). I read The Economist, live in an almost never ceasing uniform of bathrobes and silk negligees, I read (currently reading The 48 Laws of Power), I watch copious True Crime documentaries, sip copious cups of mint tea, I complain to anyone who will listen that this time last year, I was galivanting around Venice, feasting on steaming plates of seafood pasta, and quaffing peach bellini at alarming pace. When I’ve finished complaining, I go for a walk – perhaps around Hyde park, and consider the virtues of perhaps getting a dog (a greyhound, the only dog worth having). Back home, another cup of tea. What now? Do the laundry (I want to get a cleaner but because I’m British, I’m too embarrassed), turn on the news (Newsflash: We’re all doomed), write or develop a few recipes. And on and on and on it goes, for so long that I almost forget that in normal times, I’m an international, (un)professional bad girl, who does everything she can to never have “normal” times.


I’m a shadow of my former self. I wear flat shoes. I’ve started listening to Rod Stewart. Oh the humanity! However, you can take the girl from the luxury, but you absolutely cannot take the luxury from the girl. In my little corner of Marylebone, champagne is still popping, Michelin star meals are still being had, travel plans are (tentatively) being made, pleasures of all kinds are being given, received, and enjoyed. I think I am someone who could be on a desert island or on a mountain or anywhere else, and still be able to find my pleasures – no matter how simple. The richness of sensuality and imagination mean you can find luxury and joy almost anywhere. That said – travel can’t come soon enough. To make matters all the more frustrating, it would appear everyone I know in America is living a totally normal and free life. It’s a bit like when you go to the cinema during the day and when you exit you’re all blurry eyed and disoriented – you are having your little experience whilst the rest of the world goes on as normal. As friends overseas brag frequently of beach clubs, tasting menus, and weekends away, it seems almost absurd that I’m having to smuggle in a hairdresser to keep some semblance of a polished appearance. I now identify as Julian Assange, often peeking through a gap in the curtain waiting for an Amazon parcel, the end of the plague, redemption… anything!


I will create a master list of destinations I’d like to visit, but have become absolutely obsessed with this Instagram profile I stumbled across called “margitviews” which is simply a compilation of beautiful small hotels around the world – with many in Italy and Spain. I would love to go to Portafino, Amalfi, Majorca (have been but would love to return), Sardinia, Croatia, long overdue another Paris trip… Then there’s Marrakech, Safari (I love the look of Singita), St Lucia, Iceland, Lisbon, San Sebastien, my favourite little island in Greece, Paxos… the list goes on! The tentative travel companion emails that have reached me have been so gratefully received, and rest assured you shall be on sun lotion duty (lucky you!) the moment travel is possible.


I’m not yet vaccinated, but have to be honest, I’ve never been more excited to get something in me (despite what I may have told you in bed). Hopefully this will happen soon! In the meantime, I am enjoying adventures closer to home and as well as a little project I started a little under a year ago (which is going not amazingly, but very well), I’m also at the very beginning of my stocks and shared debut. Doing a lot of reading, and also benefitting from some fantastic mentorship from people who are experienced in this field. I feel immensely intimidated by starting (took me 3 weeks just to set up my Interactive Brokers account!) but I suppose learning from experience is the way most things work. I hate things I don’t understand, as being intelligent is probably the thing I like about myself the most. Starting the investment process as a verified “dumdum” is a humbling experience, but one I’m embracing.


Post-Spanish Flu, Kissinger called for a “return to normalcy”. I say, why return to normalcy, when you can return to a life of gastronomy, golf, and… er… well I cant think of another word beginning with “G” but I’m sure you get the picture. Speaking of golf – my lessons resume next week. I haven’t picked up a club in a long time, haven’t kept up with my putting at home, so am somewhat apprehensive at returning to the course (although that doesn’t stop me booing at the screen whilst watching The Masters, as if I could do any better!). Other than my fitness, golf is going to be my focus this year. I want a handicap that I don’t feel embarrassed about by the end of the year and know it’s really just a case of me putting the hours in. Annoyingly where I learned before had a great range but no course, whereas my current club has a course but a terrible range – I say to my pro we could just find a quiet bit of Hyde Park and tee off there – but he didn’t think it was a good idea. Anyway, so much to do and so little time, so I’ll be off and hope to see you soon! I know you are as itching to travel and dine out again as I am, so please remember to make a date in advance if you can – my diary is waiting eagerly for your invitation.


Until we meet again – remain and vaccinated, hydrated, and I’ll be sure to keep things lubricated!


Big kiss and a hug,


Billie x