Dearest Yummies,

Happy new year to you, and I hope that by now any excessive Christmas consumption has now been digested and forgotten. I was uncharacteristically restrained this Christmas – I didn’t have a single mince pie or slice of Christmas cake, and I refrained from bringing home any of the usual Christmas things (random boxes of Maltesers, wedges of Stilton as big as a cat, shortbread, etc). I was of course in charge of cooking Christmas Dinner – a task I absolutely relish because I am (if it’s not self-indulgent to say) very good at it. Firstly, if there are less than 5 of you eating, don’t get a turkey. There I said it, turkey is almost offensively boring, and you’ll be stuck eating the thing for a week. Instead I ask the butcher for an uncharacteristically large chicken, that’s the size of a small turkey – safe in the knowledge that it will taste much better and nobody will know but me (and now you!). I make my own stuffing, and bake the majority, but hold some back to put inside the bird along with whole cloves of garlic, thyme, rosemary etc. I also place the bird on top of halved onions, more garlic, carrots and so on, so that the juices and these ingredients conspire to make an excellent gravy. I believe you should never overstate yourself so I won’t when I say:
My Christmas Dinner is the best you’ve ever had.

So I stopped reading the psychology book I started because honestly the point was made in the first 10 pages and I found it to be not that interesting or insightful of a book (however I have started listening to The Psychology Podcast which I have found to be truly excellent and better than anything on TV). Anyway I’ve started reading a book by The Secret Barrister, and it made me think that in another world I’d be a lawyer. There’s no argument I can’t win, and I have the precisely balanced combination of high intelligence with a dash of audactity and a sprinkle of bullshit. Most importantly I feel I can defend ideas that I don’t agree with. Most people can’t do that.

I’ve also decided this year to make the brave decision to move from my Windows laptop and android phone to iOS (I promise this blog does get more interesting eventually, however fundamental part of Girlfriend Experience is you must listen to me go on about this stuff 😘🤣). I’ve had an iPhone for nearly a year but haven’t opened it as I fear change and don’t like the feeling of getting used to new devices. However, getting a Macbook for Christmas prompted me to turn them both on and give it a go. It took me approximately 3 hours to set them both up and they’re still not set up properly. Currently they’re charging in my living room and I don’t know how to use the Macbook at all. I feel like I may be the first to identify a new pathology: Post Macbook Depression. It’s something about knowing that in a years time I’m still going to be Googling things like “how to turn off Macbook”. At times like this you need a man around the house to ask things like “what’s your Apple ID?” and mumble things like “right, so I’ve just got to download the software and then you can log in” before eventually realising I’m never going to use the thing anyway so we might as well fuck instead of wasting both our time 😇🍑 

I spent new years in the Canary Islands with a girlfriend and it was exactly what I needed. Firstly, it was very hot (the weather said 22 degrees but it felt like 30 and I’ve returned very tanned. Yes people with my skintone can get a tan. I have very visible tanlines currently), but also enjoyed relaxation, hot tub etc. Although it may feel like I’m always on holiday (and it’s true – I’m off to the Caribbean in 4 days then back for 1 day then off skiing) you can’t overestimate the benefits of seriously good company. This may sound dismissive but I’ve realised that sometimes excellent company is simply the absence of anything wrong. No dramas, no worries, good conversation, and sunshine made this one of the best new years I’ve ever had (last year stayed at home and watched back to back serial killer documentaries whilst eating Lindt chocolate which isn’t even that good of a chocolate, so this year was a considerable upgrade). It also reminded me that you can’t wait for memories to simply make themselves- you sometimes have to… coax a memory into happening. I reached out to my friend and we planned the trip in a few days. I think I have some sort of pride issue when it comes to reaching out to people as I always prefer getting invited to things rather than doing the inviting (which is silly). Anyway, it made me realise that sometimes the only thing stopping your ability to get what you want is asking for what you want.

I’ve been very horny lately, my mind has been preoccupied with sexual fantasies most of which are my top 5 “favourite” fantasies, which are mostly boring written down but not as I imagine them. My top 5 are (no particular order):

1. Using my toys on camera in front of 100’s of men (no touching)
2. Sordid affair with conservative politician (sorry, fully admit almost all my fantasies are in bad taste, although when I say conservative, I dont specifically mean politically Conservative, I mean the type of person with an otherwise straight-laced conservative public persona)
3. Meeting stranger in bar and having sex in toilets.
4. A sort of relationship fantasy involving just being in a hot sensual relationship and wearing comfortable clothes and having sex in normal places in the house like in the kitchen or shower or sports car.
5. Gangbang (not proud of this one 🙈 and I would never ever do it but I think about it sometimes. Just to repeat – I don’t want to do it).

#4 Reminds me of when I was studying and working as a dancer on the weekends and the DJ, who saw women in lingerie and naked every night for 10 years told me that it had become so usual to him that he now fantasises about women in leggings or baggy jumpers. I think the injection (if you’ll excuse the terminology) of sex into an otherwise unsexy situation in itself makes that experience greater than a sum of its parts. When I think of having more “unspecial” spontaneous sex, this turns me on because in a way it’s more unusual than me prancing around the Four Seasons in my Agent Provocateur. It’s like the fetishisation of normality. Or something like that.

Of course I also have wilder fantasies than these but I’m too embarrassed to mention them. I’ve noticed more recently my fantasies involve either objectification or the total opposite – in imagining a scenario where there is a lot of deep chemistry and passion involved. More than any scenario, outfit, or anything else, having hot natural chemistry with someone is the #1 exciting thing for me. I think this instant connection is what turns me into a Magical Sex Demon* 👹 the most (*I dont actually become a Magical Sex Demon that’s just what you’ll be thinking when I jump on top of you and ride you like… well… a Magical Sex Demon. I definitely prefer to be equal partners or me as the submissive in the bedroom but that said it can also be fun to have some wildness and aggression on both sides – depending on the chemistry). I also find that I tend to have a very rational brain, and depending on my experience with someone over time, I can also really grow to fancy someone more and more (or less and less). I don’t have any complex whatsoever about being treated badly, I am very straightforward on this. Don’t get me wrong I like rough sex as much as the next former Catholic schoolgirl, but I have always enjoyed men who are super respectful and consistent outside of the bedroom. There are all kinds of bravery and I think if as a man you like a woman and you decide to show kindness, make her life easier and so on, this is a kind of bravery. Because I am a very giving person myself, I have a lot of respect for men with this more old school outlook. Definitely that is sexy to me. I think you can be a masculine, strong person in life and still show softness to the right woman. And that softness should not mean you can’t still enjoy spanking her ass or sticking your juicy cock down the back of her throat to say good morning. Everything in moderation you know? One thing your therapist won’t tell you is that sometimes it’s not internal trauma that’s the source of your misery, sometimes you just need sunshine and a good fuck 😊

Ok that note I’m off for…
Miserable weather and the gym.
Oh well 😅🤣

Love ❤️❤️❤️
Billie xx