The harder you try the less you get and if you decide to give nothing at all it’ll humiliate you in front of your friends.

I’ve started my lessons again in a last ditch attempt to get my handicap sub 20 (I concede this is rock bottom as far as aspirations go 😂) and am frustrated that I’ve remained as good as I was the last time I picked up a club over a year ago (I thought my ability would have deteriorated), meaning if I’d stuck at it I’d be fairly good by now as opposed to not bad but not as slick as my TaylorMade Tour bag and Masters towel suggests. If you’re not very good at golf the best thing you can do is never buy new clubs – that way you have something to blame. When you have all the latest kit you remove all doubt that the reason you’re losing is your fundamental lack of talent.

My short game is as mess. Messier than a divorcing Johnny Depp. Messier than Boris Johnson’s Whatsapp account… We are talking a full scale disaster. I don’t even try anymore I just kick it in when nobody’s looking. It’s not cheating if you’re going to lose either way. I really need to work on the green but find putting immeasurably boring. Putting is like the cardio of golf: you either enjoy it or you tolerate it. I did buy one of those putting mats that everyone buys then condemns to the back of a cupboard for years – the time has come to dig it out. I have my first scheduled game in a long time (game where I’d like to do well as I’m going to play my old pro who is probably expecting me to be significantly better than I am) next month so now I’m back with my lessons to try and sharpen up before then (if all else fails, I’ll use diversion tactics which mostly include unbuttoning my polo shirt and bending over a lot). When I started I was so committed to my lessons and as a result had gorgeous golf holidays with some of my favourite gentlemen at some truly beautiful courses around Europe. I really enjoyed this so am looking forwards to making improvements and making plans to enjoy some courses around the UK and further afield.

Golf is a bitch from hell. But that doesn’t mean she can’t be tamed 😘

Billie x