Life Lately

(From top left): Power lunch in The City; Outfit du Jour; Favourite salad to have at home: Bresaola, tomatoes, aged parmesan, oregano; Wish list treat  😍, Dinner at Michelin Star Restaurant St Barts; Wish list treat 😍; My favourite Gavi di Gavi; Trying out a new grip with my 8 iron; 24hrs, 5 pairs of shoes – I don’t make the rules 😇; Think Pink; Beautiful gift; Dinner at my favourite Mayfair pub (if you know you know…!) 


Thank you!


Unfortunately I will DIE if I don’t get these shoes.

If you don’t want to be responsible for my untimely demise please do the right thing in exchange for some exclusive photos 😉😍
I have added them to my wish list:


Romantic travel is the ultimate indulgence for hard working man. We are not on this earth to just work, work some more, then die. Life is gorgeous! Feeling invigorated after accepting this invitation for a week of romance an relaxation in Mallorca, my happy place. I love this island!

So today was babies first mugging.


Such a nice warm evening so I decided to walk home after my dinner date and… got mugged approximately 2 minutes after politely declining the offer to be walked home as I wasn’t far from where I live. I really wanted to get my steps in so decided to walk 8 mins home. There were all sorts of funny things about this particular mugging – After the initial shock I am finding myself to be in rather high spirits. They have these little grippy gloves so they can snatch your phone out of your hand extra efficiently. However I definitely think if I was a mugger I would do a better job. How do you steal a barely functioning Samsung phone that is smashed up and 5 years old, yet allow the muggee (new word) to walk away with a Chanel bag (the one I was wearing is the most sought after bag obviously), plus all my high value rings bracelet etc?


I remember when wearing a balaclava meant you were serious about crime. It was the criminal equivalent of a tailored suit. A balaclava meant you knew your shit. What has become of this country if even the thieves are woefully unproductive. If whoever took my things is reading this, please send me an email – for a small fee (or even my crappy old phone back) I’d be more than willing to teach you which jewellery is worth stealing, although it’s a testament to how elegant and tasteful my outfit was that the nefarious eye of a greedy yob could not identify that what I was wearing was (literally) worth more than 1000 times the value of the phone. I wear a lot of “if you know you know” items, and thankfully they didn’t know. What a compliment to my excellent taste. Had they snatched my handbag they’d be into 4-figure profit plus they could’ve used my bank cards on Amazon to buy more balaclavas faster than I could have cancelled them but alas… they had no such commitment to their craft. As they sped away on their E-Bikes (climate friendly, how lovely) all they really took was some holiday photos and an extremely old phone that has become a running joke as it’s so visibly falling apart. This experience has reminded me that life can be crazy and unpredictable. I took my Jimmy Choos off and ran after them of course but to no avail – I was in a particularly short linen dress so my loss ended up being a visual feast for onlookers… anyway, I don’t recommend getting mugged there are much better ways to spend an evening, but… there are worse ways too. I feel a bit euphoric. I shall tell you all about it in person (please refrain from contacting me about this unless I know you – it will annoy me unless you’re sending a pity gift of course in which case here is my wish list:



Billie x


***Bous Content*** 

At the point at you wear a balaclava to work it’s safe to say things in life haven’t gone the way you planned but at very least, in choosing to be a thief, you could choose to do it with style. As Charles Bukowski once said:

Style is the answer to everything
A fresh way to approach a
Dull or dangerous thing
To do a dull thing with style is preferable
To doing a dangerous thing without it
To do a dangerous thing with style
Is what I call art.

First of all if I was to become a professional thief I would do it in a far more distinctive fashion. When you’re the type to leave jewellery and take phones you need something to add a little glamour to your vocation. I would be in head to toe pink Lycra with a pink balaclava and gloves so that over time I could build up legendary status in the community. Men would know they’d been robbed by “The Pink Power Ranger” and they may come to somewhat enjoy the process as my spandex clad backside wiggled away on the seat of my (obviously also pink) E-Bike. Petty crime should be done with style or not at all. My extensive knowledge of watches and jewellery would also lead to intelligent decisions that meant I could operate with a social conscience. I would only steal items in excess of £20,000, and if I accidentally swiped anything less than that value I’d toss it back to the owner with a courteous apology. I would only steal from men between the ages of 25 and 50 and would never steal vintage watches. I would have a weekly target for how much value I’d like to steal and if I have a particularly good start to the week and make my target early I would cease stealing until the start of the next working week, instead using the proceeds of my talent to treat myself to my favourite massage and Carol Joy facial at the Dorchester Hotel, and of course 3% of my proceeds would be given to the poor. I would be able to identify fake watches by eye and for that reason some people would fear NOT being mugged by me as a sign that their watch must fake and therefore, over time a small community of wealthy insecure individuals would conspire to deliberately set themselves up to get robbed by me in order to prove their items are expensive enough to get robbed by The (highly selective) Pink Power Ranger. It will become the ultimate status symbol to be robbed by me.


As my skills improve, the minimum value of what I’m willing to steal will increase and eventually it will be known, that The Pink Power Ranger doesn’t get out of bed for less than £100,000 a day. Within 48 hours of this news Audemars Piguet and Patek Phillipe will call me to offer brand sponsorships: Men have been buying any exclusive watch they can get their hands on in the hopes I might rob them. Soon after Chanel will get in touch to ask if I’d like a little pink Chanel handbag to carry my stolen watches in – this is very on-brand so I will gratefully accept.


Emails are coming in from Monaco, from Miami, from Dubai, men trying to entice me with details of their rare and high value watches – all hoping for just the chance of getting robbed. Over time I progress to only ever having to do these staged “ego” robberies and my range of pink Lycra outfits has become as extensive as they are mind bogglingly tight. Prada, Gucci, Valentino – all the big fashion houses will send me a pink outfits. After a long career stealing for profit, finally after my retirement I decide to give back to the community and offer free consultancy to the Metropolitan Police so that they may better protect the public from those intent on street theft. Once a year I hold a charity auction for some of the watches to raise funds for worthy causes and rather absurdly many of the people I stole from buy back their watches for twice what they paid in order to appear virtuous and charitable. Quite unexpectedly I am soon after awarded an OBE, along with a Nobel Peace Prize. Humbled, I finally take off my pink balaclava so my face may be seen and to the surprise of nobody, I’m absolutely gorgeous. I retreat to the mountains where I live out the rest of my days peacefully with one of the men I previously stole from who fell in love with me.
If I was a thief I would steal like that.


Finally bagged a table at Bouchon Racine – a restaurant that’s been on my list since the day it opened. One of the hardest restaurants to get a dinner reservation at in London – booked 2 months out. I really love this French Bistro style cooking. Had the chicken liver paté, the and then I had the rabbit in mustard sauce. And a glass or 3 of rosé, then the creme caramel with armagnac prune… Absolutely heavenly! 

A rose by any other name

A dance interpretation of Romeo and Juliet by Matthew Bournes. I loved it. The music (by Prokofiev) is also sensational. Absolutely beautiful!


Privileged to meet men with truly impeccable class and manners. I love a gent who puts as much effort into my experience as I put in from him! 
In being a generous person myself with my resources, my time, and of course other things, I find myself totally weak for a man who has the same tendencies for indulging others. Mutual indulgence! 😍

Kitchen Goddess

My lobster feast.
This menu was such a labour of love. Decided to crack open this 2006 vintage bottle of Moët that I’d poorly stored before it went bad. I doubt the bottle would have lasted another year – very deep gold in colour and not so much life and very (very) rich to drink. I enjoyed it. I served this with 3 different caviars (increasing in quality) with creme fraiche and Pom Bears, along with salmon and creme fraiche on blinis with lemon, dill and pink peppercorn.
After this I served a gazpacho with mint oil and toasted foccacia, then started up the BBQ (real coal BBQ obviously) and got started on the lobsters which I purchased live that morning. Stress levels on 1000%. These are native blue lobsters from Dorset. A really nice size and very lively (well, not for long 🙈)! I attempted to kill one myself and I’ll be honest – I totally botched it and it started looking at me as if to say “what the hell are you doing??” so I gave up and ran away screaming. It’s not usual to then force your guest to kill their own dinner but needs must. 3 lobsters between 2 is the perfect amount. I decided to prepare each one differently: one with confit garlic butter, 1 with duck fat and sea salt, and one in a creamy caviar sauce. On the side I served some baby potatoes and a very delicious heritage tomato salad (adapted Ottolenghi recipe) with lots or oregano, ginger, garlic and olive oil. The lobster courses I served with a nice cold bottle of Ruinart Blanc de Blanc.
This was my first time cooking lobster and it was a total success and such a treat. The caviar sauce was my favourite – I made up the recipe as I went along it’s just crème fraiche, butter, and a whole pot of caviar  – but all were delicious and I was pleased the duck fat worked so well as it was an experiment. After this I served a cheese course with some Tokaji dessert wine (also a very old bottle I had for many years – the cork totally disintegrated and I had to pour it through a sieve 😂 Still it was excellent). I was supposed to do dessert also but I think the menu was over ambitious and by that point not another mouthful could be eaten.
No leftovers of course. Proud of this menu, my results, and how much they were appreciated ❤️
B xxx

Golf is a Bitch from Hell

The harder you try the less you get and if you decide to give nothing at all it’ll humiliate you in front of your friends.I’ve started my lessons again in a last ditch attempt to get my handicap sub 20 (I concede this is rock bottom as far as aspirations go 😂) and am frustrated that I’ve remained as good as I was the last time I picked up a club over a year ago (I thought my ability would have deteriorated), meaning if I’d stuck at it I’d be fairly good by now as opposed to not bad but not as slick as my TaylorMade Tour bag and Masters towel suggests. If you’re not very good at golf the best thing you can do is never buy new clubs – that way you have something to blame. When you have all the latest kit you remove all doubt that the reason you’re losing is your fundamental lack of talent.My short game is as mess. Messier than a divorcing Johnny Depp. Messier than Boris Johnson’s Whatsapp account… We are talking a full scale disaster. I don’t even try anymore I just kick it in when nobody’s looking. It’s not cheating if you’re going to lose either way. I really need to work on the green but find putting immeasurably boring. Putting is like the cardio of golf: you either enjoy it or you tolerate it. I did buy one of those putting mats that everyone buys then condemns to the back of a cupboard for years – the time has come to dig it out. I have my first scheduled game in a long time (game where I’d like to do well as I’m going to play my old pro who is probably expecting me to be significantly better than I am) next month so now I’m back with my lessons to try and sharpen up before then (if all else fails, I’ll use diversion tactics which mostly include unbuttoning my polo shirt and bending over a lot). When I started I was so committed to my lessons and as a result had gorgeous golf holidays with some of my favourite gentlemen at some truly beautiful courses around Europe. I really enjoyed this so am looking forwards to making improvements and making plans to enjoy some courses around the UK and further afield.Golf is a bitch from hell. But that doesn’t mean she can’t be tamed 😘Billie x

Yannick Alleno

Tried his new opening, Pavyllon at the Four Seasons. One of my top 3 favourite chefs – the moment I saw he was finally coming to London I booked a table with a foodie friend. Such a pleasure to finally be able to enjoy his food without having to go to Paris. Absolutely LOVED this restaurant: so luxurious but cosy at the same time. I can’t wait to go back (hint hint)!


Had such a fun girls trip to Marbs – my first time visiting and had such a good time. Would love to return!

This or That

I’m such a good mood today! Do you like my outfit? Started the day with a really intense workout then went to one of my favourite hotels for a facial then had lunch with my friend at Bibi which is one of my most loved Indian Restaurants and was having a walk through Selfridges and fell in love with this bracelet by Suzanne Kalan as I have wanted something Evil Eye for a long while. Evil Eye is supposed to protect you from envious/malicious people… obviously I don’t believe a bracelet can protect you from such things (I’m not a Star Sign, magical crystals type girl), however they’ve become a popular symbol to wear and I love this jeweller as she combines boho designs with precious stones. I don’t usually wear gold but I think it looks so nice on my skin tone so anyway treated myself to the bracelet 👑
I’m obsessed with sparkly things (I’m a sparkly thing and us sparkly things gotta stick together) I also recently got this anklet which I’m wearing a lot. Okay so you probably don’t care about my ankles but never forget that my (really nice) ankles are attached to my (even nicer) legs and between my legs is one of the luckiest places you could end up so you know…  there’s a metaphor in there somewhere. Also can’t tell you how good I feel after such a nice day. That’s why my number 1 love language is quality time. I love being around my close friends/people that appreciate me.
Anyway here is a silly “this or that” that I wrote out when I was on a flight a couple months back but didn’t post. It’s sort of tongue in cheek…
69 or missionary
It’s obvious.
Hair pulled or spanking
Full disclose if my hair extensions didn’t cost so much I’d probably say hair pulling. But alas…
Barcelona or Madrid
One of the most underrated European cities.
Breakfast in Bed or Breakfast buffet
Breakfast buffet is overrated. Everybody already touched the croissants. Being interrupted mid morning-sex by a knock at the door and a full continental breakfast. Not overrated.
Back massage or foot massage
In bedroom back massage. Out of bedroom foot rub
Morning sex or late night sex
Don’t expect too much from me after the hours of 11pm. If God wanted us to have sex late at night he wouldn’t have made it dark and therefore impossible to see how magnificent I look naked.
City break or Beach holiday
If I must choose… beach. Although perhaps that’s just how I’m feeling because it’s summer. Love city breaks too of course.
Shared shower or shared bath
Bath (please see answer #2). Soapy bubble bath sex is also so good. And I like having my back scrubbed. 
Doggy or cowgirl
Woof woof ❤️
Dinner date or lunch date
Safari or Maldives
I’ve done Safari already – it was incredible. Amazingly nobody has invited me to Maldives yet. I must be ugly.
Sex on a plane or on a boat
I’ve had fantasies about it!
Flowers or chocolates
Flowers always. I love flowers.
Nurse roleplay or office roleplay.
Bitchy boss or Shy intern… your choice
Lingerie or Latex
Sex on beach or in jacuzzi
On the beach feels inherently sandy/not so fun.
Toys or fingers
Simple things…
Picnic or spa day 
The option involving food, sun, and a quiet corner of Hyde Park…
Sunset or sunrise
Floor sex or couch sex
In cowgirl. Yummy.
Planning or spontaneity
I obviously love both and some of the best times of my life have been last minute plans. But when somebody has planned details or thought about what I like this will always make me melt.
Handcuffs or blindfold
Eye contact 😘❤️
Paris or Rome
I love Rome but… can’t school the coach
Cuddles before or cuddles after
Post-sex cuddles. Hell of a drug.
Cowgirl or reverse cowgirl
+ kisses.
Ski or Sail
Wish I was better but what I lack in talent I more than make up for in cure outfits
Aperol Spritz or Gin and Tonic
I ask for 50% Aperol 50% Campari in my spritz. You have to try it. So good!
Louboutin or Jimmy Choo
The real answer is Aquazzura
Cinema date or theatre date
Much more civilised surroundings to inevitably fall asleep in.
Monaco or Saint Tropez
Who can bear to be in Monaco for more than 2 days? Love St Trop.
Twosome or threesome
Less is more.
B 😘