Marrakech

I’ve had the most gorgeous experience in Morocco, especially a hike with a Berber through the Atlas mountains (who later invited me to have tea in his home with his family), exploring the dessert on quad bikes (I drive like a maniac!), breakfast in a hot air balloon, and discovering the lesser-seen side of this beautiful country. I am half Moroccan so this was a special experience for me. I particularly loved the mountains, where there are some very gorgeous boutique hotels that I would love to return to.

Two Tickets to Paradise

I was hoping that by now we would have moved on from sex by the fireplace season and now be comfortably in sex by the infinity pool season, but unfortunately the weather is conspiring against me. I’ll say this: sunny holidays can’t come soon enough, and I’d love you to get in touch with your ideas.A romantic holiday is an unbeatable experience. Last year I spent a week in St Tropez with a girl friend and honestly as strange as it sounds, I began harbouring fantasies about how nice it would be to do this type of holiday in a romantic context (not with her, she’s lovely and I apologise for shattering any illusions but I am very straight πŸ˜‚ and love male company). Whilst we were there I made friends with a very cool couple from Australia, and I thought… these people know a thing or two about life. Whilst you’d imagine St Tropez would be best suited to single people, I actually thought how fun it must be to experience this kind of place with someone you fancy. Whilst I stood on a table, my Louboutins splashed with someone’s rum and coke, surrounded by people who appear to live their whole lives through the lens of an Instagram filter, and I look around and I see the couple at their table, drunk together, enjoying an extremely passionate kiss and I thought – I’d much rather be doing that. I think you know you have good chemistry with someone when you want to share experiences with them. Rather than trying to escape them!I can’t remember exactly how many countries I’ve travelled to. I think it’s around 40. As a companion, 95% of my travel is with the same people as typically once you have this experience you want to do it again. It’s not (just) because you enjoy the benefit of waking up to my naked backside in the morning – shortly before discovering I’m a morning person – but also because simply sharing a romantic travel experience with someone you fancy is one of the sexiest, fun, memorable experiences you can have. Even when I travel alone (which I do every so often) unexpected things always happen. I don’t really believe in fate, but I do think that you create an environment for special memories when you travel, and so travelling with a special person increases your odds yet again.I’ve lived alone for quite a few years and I love my own space. I like my own time to think, I need my time in the bathroom to… well… even I’m not quite sure what exactly I’m doing in there for so long πŸ˜‚ but anyway, I think a lot of people are like me and seek balance when travelling. Yes: Breakfast in bed. Yes: Me forcing you to do a hike with me. Yes: Lunch on a terrace (seafood and champagne for me then pistachio gelato) but also Yes to not needing to be joined at the hip the whole time. I’m a very relaxed person, I like the beach holidays where the most pressing question of the day is am I wearing the gold or the pink bikini, but I also love a city break and I’m a master planner for this type of trip too (if you don’t want to do it). For me the restaurants are important- I always put a bit of time into researching nice places. I love Greece (I’ve been going pretty much my whole life) and there are so many nice little Tavernas and rustic family run places which serve beautiful simple food (and that horrible drink they give you “Ouzo”. Ouzo is like Limoncello – nobody likes the stuff. I’m convinced both are only manufactured purely to create jobs in the factories πŸ˜‚ Hence they’re always giving it to you for free. You never finish a meal and get offered a free glass of Macallan, do you? πŸ˜‚ I don’t believe anyone alive has ever (ever!) gone into a bar and asked for a Limoncello). Anyway, how much I love these romantic holidays in the sun. There’s a psychological impact to being away from home – you feel more free to be yourself, to be spontaneous. Where at home you can walk down the same road every day without noticing a thing – on holiday you may stroll down some small alley in Rome, or Barcelona, and notice a tiny church and think to yourself: That’s an interesting building. You may walk inside and find it beautiful. And the same goes for people. You may sit for 15 minutes talking to your waiter about something or another. I don’t want to sound overly profound but there’s no way to say this that isn’t profound: New experiences are the antidote to death.And the sex! Try balcony sex in London and prepare to make awkward eye contact with the entire HR department of the office opposite πŸ˜‚ Try sex in what you think is a remote location in the UK and prepare to end up going viral on “TikTok” (difficult to recover from this one). A holiday creates new opportunities for excitement and intimacy. What may start as the innocent application of sun lotion (after all, I can’t do my back myself πŸ˜‡) can end up leading to a not so innocent rush back to the room. I have a lot of fantasies about this type of thing. Most of my fantasies are so outrageous they’re almost surreal, or they’re about very normal situation but with someone I have a very strong physical connection with. You don’t have to do crazy things all the time, if you’re with someone you really like. This is how I felt when I met that couple in St Tropez. I was a bit jealous to be honest πŸ˜‚ I don’t know if jealousy is the right word. I just thought… my feet hurt, I’ve been partying until 5am for the last 4 days… it would be nice to have a man around to rub my feet and bring me a fruit plate from the breakfast buffet (amongst other things!) Obviously I’m a romantic person and I have romantic values and outlook. I am the Disney generation after all (real Disney, not this lazy CGI stuff). Late nights, uncomfortable shoes, princess complex… Don’t blame me blame Cinderella πŸ˜‚Β Billie x

New & Lingwood

I’ve been nursing an obsession for New and Lingwood (on Jermyn Street) for years. Big fan of their outrageous menswear and famously extravagant dressing gowns!

Cinema etc

So I’ve been working my way through the massive list of films I’m trying to watch and you’ll be pleased to know I don’t hate them all! More recently I watched the Hannibal trilogy and despite them being very scary I loved these films. I’m just throwing this out there to gauge where I am on the crazy scale – did anyone else develop a sort of soft spot for Hannibal Lecter? I’m not saying it’s okay to go round eating people’s faces but in a weird way I was sort of rooting for him πŸ˜‚ he had a bad childhood after all πŸ˜‚ I also watched The Blues Brothers (hard not to love unless you’re the type of person that’s fundamentally opposed to happiness), and The Bodyguard with Whitney Houston. I don’t think I appreciated before this film how vivacious and beautiful she was. Parts of her personality in the film reminded my of myself.Β 
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I watched a few British films too: Withnal and I, which I simply didn’t enjoy at all – sorry to say but this is a man’s film. One I REALLY enjoyed was Sexy Beast. I love gangster films and also that particular type of British gangster film. There are small moments of artyness and surrealism in this film which I found to be very beautiful – as well as the basic for any good film or plot: I felt invested in the outcome of the characters. Another British gangster film I enjoyed was The Gentlemen. That was a good one! I really like his films although they’re pretty much all the same. It’s become my life’s ambition to be get casted as a cold-but-slutty gangster wife in a Guy Ritchie film who’s main duties are walking around in expensive outfits, telling the police my husband was at home with me all night watching TV, and getting blood stains out of the carpet. One thing I like about British films is that they tend to be plausible and unglamorous, unlike a Hollywood film where the good guy wins and the hot woman marries him and they all retire to Miami or whatever.Β 
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Another one I ticked off was Inglorious Basterds. Nearly turned off half way through the opening scene because it was so terrifying it was making me anxious! I don’t know how people can bear to watch such terrifying scenes my heart was jumping out of my chest it was so intense. I hid behind a cushion the whole time. Crazy to think what is depicted in film is actually a fraction of the horror of what actually happens in war in real life. This was another great film although I did feel it was a simple plot stretched out further than it needed to be. I also respected the end. They killed the girl – I thought that would never happen. It’s a well known fact that Tarantino has a foot fetish and once you know this – drinking wine from Salma Hayeks foot in “From Dusk Til Dawn”, the foot massage scene in “Pulp Fiction”, and even the lost shoe being the giveaway in “Inglorious Basterds”… it’s interesting how he always weaves this kink into his films.
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On Sunday I decided to treat myself to the sort of film I prefer to watch (and watched a lot of before I started working on this list), and saw Saint Omer, a French independent film by Alice Diop, coincidentally just a few hours before it won a CΓ©sar award. I saw this film at the Curzon cinema in Bloomsbury, one of my favourites as it’s situated in the Brunswick Center which is a massive brutalist development in Bloomsbury. I love brutalist architecture (somebody’s got to) so I always have a walk around when I’m there. Anyway I enjoyed the film along with an Aperol Spritz (it’s that kind of cinema) and immediately after felt annoyed that I went alone as I really want to talk about this film but you have to watch it to get it and I don’t think anyone I know is likely to watch it. It’s very French so not for everyone (I don’t mean the language, I mean the style of film, how it’s shot, how it ends etc), but I enjoyed it.
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French cinema is in a creative league of it’s own and like a lot of French arts for whatever reason is left alone to go in whatever direction it wants without the scrutiny of “offended” people. A few years ago I watched an excellent film called “Elle” which explores some dark sexual themes that I simply can’t imagine would be allowed in any other cinema. French cinema explores what I would call ultra-mature themes, and I really enjoy this type of cinema. Hollywood is all about animation and Superheros now. It’s not for me, I don’t get this constant pushing of childishness onto us – I’m into adult things, you know πŸ˜‡ At one point I was very into collecting graphic erotic novels and virtually all of these are French – no other country produces or has the market for such things. I’m becoming a bit of a Francophile as you can see. I realised last year that you can buy a water mill in the French countryside with a lot of land and a farmhouse for like €300K and I started to think…
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But I digress, back to the film list. I think I must have about 80 to go still! I don’t have any rules I watch the ones that appeal to me depending on my mood. I only have 4 limits:
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– No chick flicks. I forgot to mention I watched Devil Wears Prada last night – what a waste of 2 hours that was!
– No American comedies. Everyone knows Americans are only good at three things: starting wars, grilling steaks, and… er, well actually two things I guessπŸ˜‚ (yes, this is a joke πŸ˜‹ many of my favourite people are Americans – I find because Americans have on average a significantly lower IQ than other humans, we get along really well because they think I’m much smarter than I really am – they’re like “Wow, you know how to correctly pronounce the word ‘croissant’ you’re so sophisticated”, whereas English guys think you’re an uneducated peasant unless you can correctly recite the complete works of Shakespeare, ideally on horseback. This is also a joke. Wish my sense of humour worked better in writing. I’ll stop now πŸ˜‚)
– No Marvel/Superhero filmsΒ 
– No graphic horror/ constant violence/ gore
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Anything else goes.
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I thought I’d post below my Film List (the ones I’ve watched are marked “X”).

Kitchen Chronicles

Put together this quick and delicious meal at short notice for a guest. Annoyingly by the time I went out to get the steaks my local butcher was shut and the butcher at Selfridges said the delivery van had broken down on the motorway so due to “health and safety” all the meat was condemned and will be turned into dog food.Somebody’s dog is going to eat wagyu it’s so unfair.

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I asked if I could have the exact GPS coordinates of the abandoned van full of expensive meat but for some reason he wouldn’t give them to me.Anyway… M&S it is. I felt very patronised by their strategy of making the steaks extra thin and tiny and thinking you won’t realise. The sirloin was extremely small barely a centimeter deep and just 200 grams. Can be really hard to cook a steak that thin but anyway I put the pan super hot, seared it, finished in the pan with a little butter then cut and salted at the table. I had a fillet steak because I’m allegedly watching what I eat (although the 9 course tasting menu at The Connaught the night before suggests otherwise. That was so good!). To have with the steaks I made a sort of gratin thingy, very losely based on the the French classic “Boulangere” potatoes, where I cooked potatoes, fennel (I’m obsessed with fennel), red onion and broccoli stalks in the oven in a little stock and butter, then finished with St Helena, which is a British cheese similar to a Brie. Although I prefer French cheeses to British, I’ve decided I might as well slowly start weaning myself onto British cheeses as soon that might be the only stuff available 🀣! Although I made this recipe up as I went along I knew it would work and it went down a treat with steaks. Served with nothing but a blob of kernel mustard from Quality Chop House in Clerkenwell, which is one of my favourite simple restaurants that has a lovely shop selling mostly meat and deli items (all British, like I said… I’m trying my best, plus we do actually have some fantastic producers here.)Of course not a bite of food was left, always a nice feeling to have my food appreciated!B xxx

Am I intimidating

Last week someone came up to me in the street and said I have a very confident walk. It was somewhat ironic because at the moment I saw them approaching me I felt a pang of internal anxiety as nobody ever approaches me so I’m not used to it and went into full fight or flight mode – athough, I can’t fight (my hair and nails are too expensive – we dont take those sort of risks these days 🀣), or fly, so I settled for smiling and saying thank you. The truth about the confident walk is, it’s simply the best way to walk in a very high heel. Walking in heels is like trying to take the bra off a beautiful woman using only one hand. If you hesitate, even for a second you run the risk of being clumsy. You must commit fully to your movement. So I channel my inner Naomi Campbell and walk with confidence not because I’m being boosted by my unstoppable ego – but because it’s simply the best way to get from A to B in a pair of 6-inch Jimmy Choos.I was unsure about writing this as I feel I’m having to explain that you can look nice and BE nice at the same time, and probably anyone I would get along with already knows this.I’m told I’m intimidating… I’m not sure what to do about that. I’m a 5ft4 hopeless romantic (part-time shopaholic,) who’s ticklish all over and terrified of the dentist, spiders, and fireworks. One summer when I was studying I decided to work as a stripper to pay off my student debt and was too shy to take my clothes off (got over that particular phobia, clearly 🀣). Being a shy stripper was as you might imagine, a unique experience riddled with comedy. One time I decided the answer was to have under my thong, an even smaller, brown thong, in the hopes that in the dark light nobody would notice and think I was naked 🀣 I don’t know what my hang up was – I look great naked! Anyway I don’t regret working in that club (#1 Gentlemens club) wearing 2 thongs and sipping on an ice water pretending it’s a Gin and Tonic. Character building, you know.I know you can’t take to heart what other people think of you and all those other (easy to say, hard to do) mantras, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel self-conscious knowing people can make such a big judgement about someone they don’t know. My friends have given me theories which mostly amount to “it’s because you present yourself immaculately.” Well, that’s not even true 🀣 I go to the gym with a messy bun and leggings on like everyone else. For me taking care of my appearance is because I’ve always found it important to be feminine and I love fashion and dressing up, it’s a cloak of protection in a way. I do have high standards for myself and I always will. Why wouldn’t I want the best for myself? I believe in life you should seek the best possible experience available to you. The pleasures of life are an area where I don’t believe in any form of conservatism at all. Indulge yourself and those around you with the best life experience you can. Maybe that’s why some people find me intimidating. But I’m just trying to have a good time πŸ˜‡ I add a lot of value to the life of the right kind of person – I’m not sorry about that.The most attractive things about me in reality are that I’m smart, funny and kind.And also, my blowjobs are good πŸ€ͺ😘Billie x

Norway

Such an amazing experience. Thanks for letting me relax and be myself ❀️

Cuddle Olympics

I don’t mean to brag but I am an expert level cuddler. Some observations:Β 

Not sure what this move is called. Pros: I can't escape. Cons: I can't escape.
Basic spooning. Seriously underrated. Pros: Very warm and snuggly. Cons: You get a face full of hair
Pros: Best for kissing, eye contact, and watching films in bed. Cons: Awkward dead arm.
An inevitable (and welcome) consequence to good cuddles. Hope you don't mind πŸ˜‡πŸ˜

Kiss the Cook

My 7hr slow cooked leg of lamb with roasted broccoli, cauliflower mash, caramelised onions, and a sauce I made from reducing the cooking juices with red wine. I always get my meat from the butcher at Selfridges they have the best lamb. This is my own recipe πŸ™‚ One of my favourite things to make for a guest at home.Β 

Life on Planet B

From top left:

No paparazzi please, Sunday breakfast at one of my favourite spots; Would love to go to this Tarantino event! Email me if you’re interested; A funny meme I made “How to identify the typical British Airways Club World Traveller” πŸ˜‚; The delicious prawn croquetas at Michelin Star Sabor (why do they always give 3 between 2 people! Well – I’m not sharing the last one – your reward for letting me have it is watching me eat it πŸ˜‚); Flowers from my favourite florist Jamie Aston; Putting in work at the gym

The F**k. (First Draft)

Non fiction.

I appreciate you’ve probably never wanked to a poem before. Just broadening your horizons.

The F**k

It happened on a WednesdayIt shook you like a theft,And any appetiteYou had wasSatiated when I left.If I meant it then I did itIf ISaid it then I lied.I fucked forFunThen fucked youSeriously,Nothing left toHide.I fucked you madlyFucked you shamelesslyWith noPretence or pride.I like to fuck-you in a way thatMaybe someday you’ll rememberMaybeOne dayYou’ll be someplaceOn some weekend in December andThe chill that licks your spineWill be a parting giftOf mine;And every time a wind wicksThrough youMaybe you’ll recallThe time:When I wasWrapped around your egoWith myLegs around your neckWhen all your cards were on theTable IHad plenty in my deck,I had plenty in reserveI had that unrepentantΒ nerveI had the tongue toWreck your shipI fucked you;Just as youDeserved.

Antigua

The Caribbean is my spiritual home and by far my favourite place to relax. I have never experienced warmer hospitality or more beautiful beaches than on the islands (consider that a challenge!) Returning to London with tan lines and fond memories.

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New year, same me.

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Dearest Yummies,Happy new year to you, and I hope that by now any excessive Christmas consumption has now been digested and forgotten. I was uncharacteristically restrained this Christmas – I didn’t have a single mince pie or slice of Christmas cake, and I refrained from bringing home any of the usual Christmas things (random boxes of Maltesers, wedges of Stilton as big as a cat, shortbread, etc). I was of course in charge of cooking Christmas Dinner – a task I absolutely relish because I am (if it’s not self-indulgent to say) very good at it. Firstly, if there are less than 5 of you eating, don’t get a turkey. There I said it, turkey is almost offensively boring, and you’ll be stuck eating the thing for a week. Instead I ask the butcher for an uncharacteristically large chicken, that’s the size of a small turkey – safe in the knowledge that it will taste much better and nobody will know but me (and now you!). I make my own stuffing, and bake the majority, but hold some back to put inside the bird along with whole cloves of garlic, thyme, rosemary etc. I also place the bird on top of halved onions, more garlic, carrots and so on, so that the juices and these ingredients conspire to make an excellent gravy. I believe you should never overstate yourself so I won’t when I say:My Christmas Dinner is the best you’ve ever had.So I stopped reading the psychology book I started because honestly the point was made in the first 10 pages and I found it to be not that interesting or insightful of a book (however I have started listening to The Psychology Podcast which I have found to be truly excellent and better than anything on TV). Anyway I’ve started reading a book by The Secret Barrister, and it made me think that in another world I’d be a lawyer. There’s no argument I can’t win, and I have the precisely balanced combination of high intelligence with a dash of audactity and a sprinkle of bullshit. Most importantly I feel I can defend ideas that I don’t agree with. Most people can’t do that.I’ve also decided this year to make the brave decision to move from my Windows laptop and android phone to iOS (I promise this blog does get more interesting eventually, however fundamental part of Girlfriend Experience is you must listen to me go on about this stuff 😘🀣). I’ve had an iPhone for nearly a year but haven’t opened it as I fear change and don’t like the feeling of getting used to new devices. However, getting a Macbook for Christmas prompted me to turn them both on and give it a go. It took me approximately 3 hours to set them both up and they’re still not set up properly. Currently they’re charging in my living room and I don’t know how to use the Macbook at all. I feel like I may be the first to identify a new pathology: Post Macbook Depression. It’s something about knowing that in a years time I’m still going to be Googling things like “how to turn off Macbook”. At times like this you need a man around the house to ask things like “what’s your Apple ID?” and mumble things like “right, so I’ve just got to download the software and then you can log in” before eventually realising I’m never going to use the thing anyway so we might as well fuck instead of wasting both our time πŸ˜‡πŸ‘Β I spent new years in the Canary Islands with a girlfriend and it was exactly what I needed. Firstly, it was very hot (the weather said 22 degrees but it felt like 30 and I’ve returned very tanned. Yes people with my skintone can get a tan. I have very visible tanlines currently), but also enjoyed relaxation, hot tub etc. Although it may feel like I’m always on holiday (and it’s true – I’m off to the Caribbean in 4 days then back for 1 day then off skiing) you can’t overestimate the benefits of seriously good company. This may sound dismissive but I’ve realised that sometimes excellent company is simply the absence of anything wrong. No dramas, no worries, good conversation, and sunshine made this one of the best new years I’ve ever had (last year stayed at home and watched back to back serial killer documentaries whilst eating Lindt chocolate which isn’t even that good of a chocolate, so this year was a considerable upgrade). It also reminded me that you can’t wait for memories to simply make themselves- you sometimes have to… coax a memory into happening. I reached out to my friend and we planned the trip in a few days. I think I have some sort of pride issue when it comes to reaching out to people as I always prefer getting invited to things rather than doing the inviting (which is silly). Anyway, it made me realise that sometimes the only thing stopping your ability to get what you want is asking for what you want.I’ve been very horny lately, my mind has been preoccupied with sexual fantasies most of which are my top 5 “favourite” fantasies, which are mostly boring written down but not as I imagine them. My top 5 are (no particular order):1. Using my toys on camera in front of 100’s of men (no touching)2. Sordid affair with conservative politician (sorry, fully admit almost all my fantasies are in bad taste, although when I say conservative, I dont specifically mean politically Conservative, I mean the type of person with an otherwise straight-laced conservative public persona)3. Meeting stranger in bar and having sex in toilets.4. A sort of relationship fantasy involving just being in a hot sensual relationship and wearing comfortable clothes and having sex in normal places in the house like in the kitchen or shower or sports car.5. Gangbang (not proud of this one πŸ™ˆ and I would never ever do it but I think about it sometimes. Just to repeat – I don’t want to do it).#4 Reminds me of when I was studying and working as a dancer on the weekends and the DJ, who saw women in lingerie and naked every night for 10 years told me that it had become so usual to him that he now fantasises about women in leggings or baggy jumpers. I think the injection (if you’ll excuse the terminology) of sex into an otherwise unsexy situation in itself makes that experience greater than a sum of its parts. When I think of having more “unspecial” spontaneous sex, this turns me on because in a way it’s more unusual than me prancing around the Four Seasons in my Agent Provocateur. It’s like the fetishisation of normality. Or something like that.Of course I also have wilder fantasies than these but I’m too embarrassed to mention them. I’ve noticed more recently my fantasies involve either objectification or the total opposite – in imagining a scenario where there is a lot of deep chemistry and passion involved. More than any scenario, outfit, or anything else, having hot natural chemistry with someone is the #1 exciting thing for me. I think this instant connection is what turns me into a Magical Sex Demon* πŸ‘Ή the most (*I dont actually become a Magical Sex Demon that’s just what you’ll be thinking when I jump on top of you and ride you like… well… a Magical Sex Demon. I definitely prefer to be equal partners or me as the submissive in the bedroom but that said it can also be fun to have some wildness and aggression on both sides – depending on the chemistry). I also find that I tend to have a very rational brain, and depending on my experience with someone over time, I can also really grow to fancy someone more and more (or less and less). I don’t have any complex whatsoever about being treated badly, I am very straightforward on this. Don’t get me wrong I like rough sex as much as the next former Catholic schoolgirl, but I have always enjoyed men who are super respectful and consistent outside of the bedroom. There are all kinds of bravery and I think if as a man you like a woman and you decide to show kindness, make her life easier and so on, this is a kind of bravery. Because I am a very giving person myself, I have a lot of respect for men with this more old school outlook. Definitely that is sexy to me. I think you can be a masculine, strong person in life and still show softness to the right woman. And that softness should not mean you can’t still enjoy spanking her ass or sticking your juicy cock down the back of her throat to say good morning. Everything in moderation you know? One thing your therapist won’t tell you is that sometimes it’s not internal trauma that’s the source of your misery, sometimes you just need sunshine and a good fuck 😊Ok that note I’m off for…Miserable weather and the gym.Oh well πŸ˜…πŸ€£Love ❀️❀️❀️Billie xx

Canary Islands

Saw in the new year with a relaxing girls trip to the Canaries (first time). I have returned relaxed and refreshed!