Viva Calamari

Hi Yummies!

Prepared fresh whole squid and made calamari today – I’ll spare you the grusome details of having to cut its head off then pull the beak out of the tentacles! I screamed like a baby! I’m the odd combination of sqeamish, yet simultanously absolutely willing to get my hands dirty. I have a naturally terrified reaction to having to do things like this at the first time, but at the same time am fiercely compeitive with myself, and am not about to let any animal (alive or dead) beat me! The calamari was a total sucess and absolutely delicious. Not quite as amazing as the one I have enjoyed in Venice many times (where they put small fish and courgettes in the batter as well) but honestly, proud that I managed to prepare and make mone of my favourite dishes. 

 

Buon appetito!

Waitrose (fiction)

Waitrose
Again
2:30pm
The Saturday shop,
A rose tinted blouse
Heels, skinny jeans
And
A devil may care attitude.
Raising hell
Smelling of heaven
A tempting treat
At the delicatessen

Buying things I don’t need.
Talking
Enthusiastically
To the assistant about
Prosciutto.

“- Excuse me, 150 grams of that stilton please?”

Your voice runs down my spine
And settles
Gently
Between my legs.

Covertly, I
Move my head a few degrees to the right and take you in
From the corner of my
Flirtatious eye.
A yummy.
42 ish
Ginger but probably considers himself blonde
And in need of a haircut
Half curls perch on your
Square
Freckled head
Your eyes are blue
A signet ring
Is on your right hand
(you should take that off, before the revolution starts),
Nothing on your left.
I
Interrupt the assistant
“Go for the West Country stilton instead.”

I turn to look you in the eye
As you look me squarely
And conspicuously
In the
Breasts.
Your neck turns red.
“I always get this one it’s very good”
You say, dismissively.
“Well,
Exactly.
Why don’t you try something different? Something you’ve never had before. It’s cheese-“
I say cheekily, flashing you a grin
“- Not a hedge fund. No risk, no reward. Or… is your taste in cheese as boring as your taste in shirts?”
I flash you another giant grin
Pick up my prosciutto and
Strut away.
With a basket swinging
Casually
From
My
Silk clad arm.

You catch up with me near the bakery
Trying to look cool.
“I got the West Country-“
A pause,
“What’s wrong with my shirt?”

 

You are very cute.
In a kind of
Socially uncomfortable
Fundamentally miserable

Repressed-but-considers-himself-liberated
English way.

I’d love to fuck you.

You stand
Awkwardly
Between the
Muffins and the
Bagels
Whilst I bend over in my jeans
Attempting to pick a pack of
Teacakes from the bottom shelf –
I simply
Can’t decide
And my backside sways left and right as I
Deliberate between the
Own brand and the
Warburtons.
I look back at you and flash a
Particularly
Playful grin

Own brand it is.
(can’t spend £3.49 on teacakes, we’re due a recession)
I straighten myself up.

Checked, button down shirt
(Probably GANT or something)
No tie
Diesel jeans-
Tapered cut, 34 waist 32 leg
R.M. Williams Chelsea boots, in battered brown suede
A half belly
The remnants of a rugby physique
Ginger hairs sprouting from your forearms like watercress
And
Trying to think of something clever to say.
Another pause,
Then, finally, your best effort-
“So. You like tea cakes, do you?”

I laugh out loud
Guess this counts as a chat up line
Round South Ken.

The human brain is a
Mysterious thing-
Alas,
I
Still want to fuck you.

I survey your basket:
Potatoes
Some sort of protein drink
Asparagus
Tuna steaks
Weetabix
6 pack of Sol beers
Two limes
Apples
Coffee
Gillette
Mayonnaise
Rye bread
Smoked salmon
A measly 150 grams of Stilton
Asprin:

Single.

I imagine
Behind closed doors
You have a lovely leather corner couch and you fuck me on there
But accidentally cum in 3 minutes or so and I go to your fridge and
Get you
One of the beers and
You let me wear your shirt
(The one I secretly like but am pretending not to).


I allow myself a few final seconds
On the couch with you
Then snap back to reality.

“Billie.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“My name is Billie.”
“Oh. I’m er. Ha. Er. Tony”
I can’t concentrate and keep
Wondering
Ridiculous things like
Do you really like tuna steaks (yuck)
Why aren’t you married and
If you like having your balls licked.
Would you bend me over
Or sit me on top?

A card drenched in sweat is pressed into my palm

“I have to go-“
You half run away.
I stand and watch your arse as you bolt to the self-checkout.
I look down and turn over the damp card
“Anthony Clarke, Senior Partner”
And the name of a firm I don’t know.

It’s all rather predictable.
But what’s not to like about
A
Predictable romp
At the Four Seasons
Or the
Predictable quaffing of
Predictably good champagne.

Thong
Thoroughly soaked
I
Pay for my items
Desperately trying to avoid
Grey hair here
Chinos there
Brogues and a bald head by the rotisserie
A Patek pushing a trolley through the
Fruit and veg and
Almost walk
Head first into
5ft 10
14 stones
White shirt
With initials stitched on the front
A discrete gold watch
Small eyes and
Such an intoxicating
Presence of
Stress and
Testosterone I nearly
Fall to my knees
But accept
A
Wry smile and a wink
Instead.

Oh Waitrose,
Leveller of all men.
I
Couldn’t be without you.

-BF

Body and Sole

My pan fried lemon sole, with brown butter, capers, asparagus, and mash. A very classic combination, and so delicious! Nest on the menu, marinated dry aged steaks (I went for a rib eye, instead of my usual sirloin. Seasoned with yellow mustard seed, smoked paprika, cayenne, garlic powder, parsley, with sauteed potatoes and creamed spinach (okay, I bought the creamed spinach… dont judge!) Watch this space…

 

B xxx

Quarantine Kitchen

My Linguine Alle Vongole – my favourite pasta (okay, maybe joing first with lazagne) and the most simple recipe with delicious fresh clams. I’m cooking a lot of seafood and shellfish at the moment (goes so well with the warm weather and a nice chilled crisp glass of white wine!) This was my first time cooking clams – which I bought live. The recipe was a success… so delicious!

Updates!

Phew! Have gone from rearranging my sock drawer to keep myself occupied, to having become unexpectedly busy! I’m someone who loves relaxation, but hates being bored, so it’s nice for life to be (slowly) getting back to normal. Here’s what’s been happening:

 

BillieBar

Found a lovely little Mid Century bar cart for my living space, have stocked it with my favourite spirits (more welcome!), and my lovely new Doulton crystal glasses. I love heavy crystal, and am embarassed to say I gave an entire set of very high quality to the charity shop a few years back (I didnt think it was very cool back then) only for me to be now trying to get back the exact same set. Have all the necessary ingredients to make some lovely summer cocktails – my favourite is the divisive “Aperol Spritz” which people seem to either love or hate. And peach Bellini – so delicious!

 

BillieBootcamp

Have begun an intensive outdoor workout regime and I’m absolutely loving it. Getting up early and heading to the park with my yoga mat has become an unexpected hilight of my day, and is something I will definitely keep doing, even after gym is open.

 

BillieBooks

Have finally finished that George Orwell books and am now looking for my next victim (I use these term as I am a notorious batterer and page folder of books, and they go from looking pristine to “well worn” within a matter of days). What next? I dont usually enjoy non-fiction and have had enough of novels. I’ve realised many books I’ve read are gifts, or books that have been bought up in conversation, that have sounded interesting so I’ve then gone on to buy them. Yuval Noah Harari has a couple of books I’ve read before, but I havent read the third, so that might be a good idea. I’ve also decided to make one tiny change which is to buy my books from independent stores rather than Amazon. I realised, it makes no difference to me at all, or, in the grand schemes of things to Amazon either, but it makes a massive difference to the independent book seller. I love book shops (my local Daunt Books being a favourtie) so I will make the change to only buying books from shops like this

 

BillieBoudoir

Have got so many sexy new things! Lingeries and nice bedroom things for us to enjoy. Have been enjoying them by myself for now… but hopefully you can help change that!

 

BillieBites

Have booked my first restaurant reservation in what feels like years! How lovely it feels to see a table for two email in my inbox! If you are considering a dinner date, please start looking and penciling in dates from now. I expect that the lower amount of covers in most restaurants, coupled with the countries collective desire not to have to do the washing up anymore, will mean reservations will be scarce and need to be planned ahead of time. Dinner dates can happen at my place alternatively, as everything from Hakkassan, Scotts, and all the soho restaurants can be delivered here. Okay I also found such a nice pizza place – best pizza I’ve had in London, if you prefer something casual. 

 

BillieBanker

Have started learning about FOREX and how to trade. Just something I have been interested in a while, so am doing a LOT of readin and following a very long online course before dipping my toe in. Look out Wall Street!

 

BillieBeats

Finally set up my record player (actually, I’ve been advised that it’s a turntable, not a record player, and have managed to get it to work). This is a much better quality turntable than by old Crosby one, so needs an amp, or speakers with inbuilt amps. I am in LOVE with the midcentury style ones with the wooden surrounds (the type you would get in a 90’s soundsystem) and am on the hunt for some good ones. Have been recommended so many different ones, and wow – who knew good speakers are 2, 3, 4x the price of designer shoes (very scientific measure of expensiveness). I’m likely to get what I want second hand, because they simply dont make the “look” of speaker I want anymore, so I’m keeping an eye out. Such a shame not to be able to enjoy my records (sad face) so hoping this will be the next thing I manage to add to my living room.

 

BillieBirdie

Have joined a new golf club and had my first lesson there today. Am feeling so at home and happy with this club. Everyone is very friendly! I has hesistant about playing agian after having not picked up a club for some time, but I was actually better than I remembered and am now at least competent enough to justify having bought an austentatious set of Taylor Made clubs, and matching staff bag. Still need to vastly improve my short game, and was given a putting matt some time ago so will get some practice in at home. Have an extensive selection of cute golf outfits (very important for distracting opponent, which thus far is my best chance of winning!) 

 

Can’t wait to see you soon and looking forward to our future dates.

Big kiss!

 

Billie x

Up to no good?

A new and exciting experience that I have been enjoying so much! A luxury picnic in the park – 3hrs outside in a secluded spot with bubbles and good food, £550 for 3 hours. Low risk, high reward, and a pleasant escape from life’s stresses. You bring the bubbles, I bring food, flirtation, and temptation!

A list of very believable excuses for gentlemen looking to sneak out of the house to enjoy a luxurious picnic date with me:

 

  • You’ve been contacted by NASA to take part in a top secret 3 hour mission. But first you must buy a £550 space suit.
  • A helpless kitten is stuck up the tree. You must go to the park immediately with a bottle of champagne and some snacks to tempt it down (this may take a while, perhaps three hours or so). Feul prices have risen recently, so it’s best to bring £550 petrol money with you. Just in case.
  • A colleague is being held hostage, and you need to pay the £550 ransom money to set them free.
  • You’ve run out of apples and need to walk to an apple tree approximately 3 hours away. These apples are particularly expensive: £550 each, so you’ll only buy one.
  • 550 goats have escaped from a farm in Scotland. You have been asked to help the effort to round them up. You’ll need to take £550 worth of petrol money and a cheese board with you (the farmer has advised you that goats love cheese).

What I’m listening to

If you know you you know I love my Motown, jazz, funk, soul, and disco. I always say I was born in the wrong era – I have a 70’s soul and the music from that era (all genres) really speaks to me. This is one of my most favourite feelgood songs (would love to have on vinyl) that I recently made my morning alarm song (although I have been waking up at 8am without an alarm for a few weeks now). A song made in a time when you could get away with making a song last 10 minutes. It’s a great production, I love how the song builds, and even listening to it now – honestly puts me in such a good mood! A lot of the songs I love the most require a massive band, like the Big Bands of the 20’s-40’s, or even a huge choir – there is something so gorgeous about hearing music which it build from so many different elements. In the instrumental there is a great violin – my favourite instrument… well joint first with a saxophone, and like all good songs, the instrumental stands alone as a great piece of music. At about 5:00 the song breaks down into a funk rhythm and then builds itself right back up. The perfect song for a summer road trip. It’s such a joy!!!

One of the Television Series I had been watching was “Gangs of London” a horrendously violent (I’m a wimp anyway, but even by your standards) series, but one with a great soundtrack. I discover a lot of music in films and television – the soundtrack to SHAFT, which I have on vinyl, is such a perfect compilation. One of the things I absolutely love about British gangster/organised crime films, are the gorgeous homes and clothes of the top players. It’s almost as if after you’ve laundered your first billion, a Chestefield sofa and a Saville Row suit arrives in the post. Anyway, I heard and loved this song, he has such a beautiful voice – can also imagine it would make an amazing house remix. I don’t know much about Benjamin Clementine, but am reading the Wiki now – that he was homeless as a teenager, and from the few songs I’ve heard is a talented pianist (he plays the piano in all his songs). This song is more about the lyrics. As a writer myself, I appreciate lyricism – anything from The Smiths (my favourite band, back in my teenage angst days), to Gil Scott Heron. Music has become even more important to me in these strange times! When I’m working out at home, I put this song on, zone out, and it helps me push myself. 

I have committed a murder.

Dear yummies,

I am a changed woman. I write this having cooked and killed langoustine for the first time. Langoustine is my favourite shellfish (by quite some margin). I feel almost sexually excited even to talk about them! The sweetness and prettiness, the absolutely beautiful texture. The season is short, and is coming to an end. British langoustine are something that the restaurant trade capitalises in, when in season (much like truffle, game, etc). Unfortunately as all restaurants are shut, fishermen have stopped fishing them, as they are not something people usually attempt at home – 1 because people are intimidated by shellfish, 2 because they are expensive, and 3 because like lobster, it is usual to buy your langoustine live, as I did, and most people do not want to have to kill their dinner. I had been (this is pretty sad, but alas these are desperate times) searching high and low for fresh langoustine, to no avail, checking in daily with The Chelsea Fishmonger, and realising much to my dismay that for most fishermen it is simply not economically viable to fish shellfish, if restaurants aren’t buying because unfortunately the nation would rather eat fish fingers, than such an absolutely delicious product.

 

Finally, the fishmonger gets in touch to say, he has some in, and would I like some held for me. I jumped out of bed like a child on Christmas morning, ran to the shower, put on a particularly pretty summer dress, and loafers (to mark the occasion) and made my way to SW3. As the queue inched shorter, I could see the wonderful fish stall – John dory, live lobsters, tiger prawns as big as your fist, and so on. My order is under the counter in a white bag with my name on, he discretely hands it to me (this is the Chelsea equivalent to a coke deal) and I get some of the prawns because… well… I love prawns. And some extra langoustine to freeze because it’s probably the last opportunity to buy them this year.

 

Decided to have a stroll around the area. So many beautiful cars. The Mercedes SL (one of the most effortlessly cool cars there is) is really making a comeback, I’m seeing them everywhere. I actually really love the 90’s SL, which you see less as it’s only just becoming old enough to be cool again.

 

Anyway. I get home and open up my package. 20 or so langoustine are there – all alive, and I contemplate that for the first time in my culinary career, I will be killing something. I have a very firm belief about these things. I am writing this in a pale pink 100% silk nightgown, a the fingers tapping my the keyboard of my laptop are freshly manicured with sparkly tips. So I suppose I am a “girly girl” in some ways. For this reason, people often mistake me for someone who cannot (or will not) get her hands dirty if need be. I can, and if you know me, you know I will! I’ll spare you the details, but I froze a two thirds, then killed and prepared the other third. I believe if you eat animal products you should not shy away from the fact that you are eating something, with a brain, with eyes, with a family (do langoustines have families? Discuss…). To say I enjoyed the process would be too strong, it’s more, I appreciated the process of preparing this most delicious and delicate crustacean myself.

 

Choosing how to prepare the langoustine is like choosing how to frame a beautiful piece of art. You must give the star of the show the space to dazzle you, you must be sensitive to it’s intrinsic qualities, you must seek to compliment, not to distract or overwhelm. The right accompaniments are like the perfect heel on a beautiful foot – it takes something already elegant and perfect in its own way, and elevates it. I chose to blanch them in hot water, split them (brains everywhere – I screamed!), and then to grill them with nothing but salt, pepper, butter (French) and the tiniest amount of garlic. I served with aioli, and a simple green salad that had chives, dill, and spring onions in it for that perfect delicate spring freshness, and a simple vinaigrette to cut the sweetness and fat of the main dish. My only regret is was there’s lots of meat in the little claws but I don’t have a lobster cracker so had to waste it (first world regrets).

 

This was my most delicious…

I was going to say this was the most delicious meal I have cooked this year but I’m not sure that’s true. I also think with ingredients THAT good, and a simple preparation, other than timing, you can hardly go wrong. I am missing langoustines at two of my favourite restaurants – Parsons, in Covent Garden, and Hearth, at Heckfield place in Hook. Dining out is one thing I am missing so much! I miss eating and not having to do the washing up. I miss a waiter saying “and would that be still or sparkling water” or “do you have room for cheese before dessert?” (answer is always YES obviously). I miss warm bread, cool cocktails, and getting dressed up, or down, for my dinner dates.

 

But most of all I miss you!

 

I am now available for dates, and although there will be no dining out for the time being, there’s no reason we can’t dine in. If you want, I can even smear your cock with garlic butter and pretend it’s a langoustine (just kidding… unless you’re into it!) I can’t wait to catch up, and again thank you so much for all the support, gifts and kindness I have received over the last few weeks.

 

Shall we?

 

Kisses and hugs and lots of love,

 

Billie x

A thought,

It's strange how the value of so many material things becomes completely diminished when there's no one there to see those things.

Makes you realise how the real things in life, like good friendships, and inner happiness still hold value even when there's no one there to witness them.

In this new world, "high value items" aren't items at all, they're feelings and experiences. This is what a quality companion brings into your life - something that exists beyond the realms of the physical.

A memory holds it's value nomatter what.

- Billie

The Modern Man

I started this poem in the first week of lockdown and am not sure what prompted it, but if you know the song, it is influenced somewhat by “Charmless Man” by Blur. It is nowhere near finished, but here if my first draft. I am hoping the reader will realise my tongue is very much in my cheek! 

 

Enjoy.

 

 

The Modern Man

 

He’s got a friend in finance
A friend in law
On a Saturday night
He’s got a friend on the door
He’s got a watch collection
And a Labrador

Yeah he’s the modern man.

He’s got Catholic guilt
And a credit card bill
He’s got a son named Oscar
A wife named Jil
His daughter’s a prefect
And on the pill

Yeah he’s the modern man.

He’s got a black Mercedes
He loves the thrill
He’s got a wallet to empty
And a life to fill
He’s got a mistress with legs
And the looks to kill

Yeah he’s the modern man.

He likes his golf on the box
But his rugby live
He’s too brave to float
Too scared to dive
He’s got a textbook job
And a coffee book life

Yeah he’s the modern man.


He knows his Pouille Fuissé
From his Montrachet

 

Yeah he’s the modern man.


He’s got a Xanax prescription
And a Times subscription

Yeah he’s the modern man.

 

BF

A Feast for the Senses

All original recipes in my kitchen this week – focusing on big flavours, fresh produce, and vibrant plates.

 

Sesame, ginger and chilli rice noodles with tiger prawns and vegetables; Seared fillet steak; Lobster tail curry; Jerk haloumi, red pepper, and mango salad; Crispy roast potatoes with prosciutto, mushrooms, creme fraiche with chives and lemon; Asparagus, broccoli, poached egg, parma ham, pesto; Black cherry, goats cheese and pata negra salad, with a mustard and balsamic dressing.

Garden Provocateur

Some of you may know I haven’t always been the best gardener. I have had house plants for many years and just about mastered keeping them alive, and I am pleased to say all are currently thriving. When it comes to anything else however, my luck has been less favourable. You may remember a few years ago when I planted 4 tomato seeds and named each after one of The Beatles and only Ringo survived but then one day I accidentally stepped on him in a stiletto and that unfortunately the end of Ringo (many a man would describe this as the perfect way to die! haha). 

 

This year I have had more luck and have planted a very successful (if I do say so myself!) herb garden, and today travelled to Camden (which was almost exciting – travelling to another borough is the equivalent of going to the Maldives these days!) and visited a beautiful and friendly family run garden centre, buying the things I need to plant a window box. The box looks a little sparse but there are ten plants in there so will fill out nicely. Could think of nothing more appropriate for gardening that a pretty white dress and pink washing up gloves (ha!) and my roadside “guerrilla gardening” tactics were very much appreciated end encouraged!

 

If you have a garden I hope you are enjoying your space, and if not, I would highly recommend getting some plants for indoors and your window sill. Our garden centres need us! Not only does it save you from the cyclical boredom of Netflix – Eat – News – Check Emails – TV – Masturbation – Cry a Little – Eat – Repeat, but I also think it’s such a rewarding process to see your plants grow and bloom. Yes I am very at home sat in a beautiful terrace outside a restaurant sipping on my favourite Laurent Perrier champagne, but I am also someone who is very in touch with nature and who gets a lot from being outdoors and spending time in harmony with the natural world. Call me a wildflower!

 

Billie x

Billie’s Test Kitchen

Testing out new flavour combinations, with some small bites:

 

Gorgonzola dolce, apples, orange blossom honey, white balsamic

Pata negra, red pepper and almond pesto, black olive, thyme

Potted cheese, dried tomatoes, tuna in olive oil, pink peppercorn, lime, pink salt

Fig, goats cheese, parsley, honey, flowers

Roasted red pepper, preserved chilli

Olive tapenade, goats cheese, tomato, caper

Smoked mackrel, dill, black pepper, lemon rind, sherry vinegar

Octopus carpaccio, ricotta, pesto, fennel leaf

The Gift of Kindness

For any self employed person, this is a worrying time – even more so having just moved to a new area, with hopes of making new friends and taking the Billie Experience to the next level. It would be disingenuous to pretend I am hard up – but it has been a time of great anxiety, as I enter the first ever period of “unemployment” in my adult life. I would like to thank the amazing and thoughtful people in my life who have been selfless and generous in making the last few weeks easier for me, and those who have sent both mental and material support. I am a very independent person, so it’s a real surprise and a pleasure to have received such kindness! Thank you for being here in spirit.

 

Billie x

Quarantine Fantasy (Part 2)

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For Part 1, please click here 

 

The officer widens the beam of his flashlight, and I stand, self-consciously, stark naked and barefoot, with my back pressed against the gate.

 

He silences the dogs and I see him reaching for his handcuffs as he slowly approaches me.

 

“Well well well…” He says, surveying my body with the flashlight, “What do we have here? Put your hands on your head and turn around.”

 

I stare at the officer defiantly, refusing to turn around, but panicking inside. As if to read his mind, suddenly the dogs leap towards me, barking furiously, teeth bared, and barely an inch from my bare and trembling body.

 

“Tell them to stop!” I scream at the officer, “Tell them!”

He watches me cooly, as I try to sink my back yet further into the gate in order to distance myself from the dogs.

“Turn around” he commands again, lazily, seemingly unbothered about my state of undress or my fear for my life. Silently I turn around, shivering in the cold.

“Hands above your head” his voice rings through the darkness, taunting me. I stretch out, and place both hands high above my head, my manicure clutching the ice cold gate. All at once the dogs become silent. I stand there, listening intently, hoping one of the guests (Anna?) might come back for me. But I soon realise they are long gone, and we are quite alone. I begin trying to work out what the best course of action is. I could get to my bag in less than 5 seconds, but it would take another 10 to unlock it and call someone. I could run, but the dogs would outrun me, and anyway, I’m naked in the middle of god knows where, so then what? I could try reasoning with the officer, could tell him breaking quarantine wasn’t my idea and see if he might speak to my lawyer. I suppose I could try to bribe him, but if I did that-

 

Mid thought I suddenly feel someone pressed against me and almost jump out of my skin. I feel the cool edge of a police radio, pressing into my shoulder blade, and his baton pressing into my upper back. Or at least that’s what I think it is. With my heels off, I stand at just a touch over 5’ 4”, and the officer, at least 6ft tall, towers above me, his chin just brushing the back of my head. I try to look over my shoulder, but am pinned against the gate. This is an abuse of power! I decide to stand for this nonsense no longer, and make a dash for it, or at least, that’s what I attempt to do, before realising the officer has cuffed my hands to the gate above me! My hands secured to the gate, I try to move backwards against him, but it does nothing but push my naked bottom into his groin, much to his amusement. His gloves still on, he begins groping me from behind, his hands squeezing and grabbing my bottom, and rubbing what I thought was his truncheon against me.

 

“You’re very fucking sexy” he says, aggressively grabbing my breasts from behind.

“How fucking dare y-” I am silenced, by a large, gloved hand pressed firmly over my mouth. I continue to try to wiggle away, but my now warm, peachy bottom, wiggling in his lap, does nothing but invite an even more thorough groping. His face is now very close to mine, buried in my hair and his mouth right next to my ear. I feel his hot, excited breath against my skin, his hard cock straining against his trousers. The night is deadly silent, as he whispers in my ear.

 

“I’m going to take my hand off your mouth, and If you scream, run, or say a word, I am going to have the dogs escort you, naked, back to the car, and you’re looking for an 18 month custodial for breaking quarantine, breaking and entering, antisocial behaviour, and of course” he kicks my dungarees so far there’s no way I could reach them, “indecent exposure.”

18 month custodial! The horror! I think back to my otherwise fun and carefree life. I couldn’t survive prison! It would be the end of me!

Silently I nod my head, and he slowly removes his gloved hand from my mouth and steps back. I remain silent, my hands are still firmly secured in cuffs above me, and I from the last five minutes of struggle, I can tell there’s no way I’m getting out of them.

“Part your legs” he commands. Silently, I move my legs to a wider stance, two shoulder widths apart and on my tiptoes. He approaches me again and this time I feel one of his hands – gloves off – slide between my spread legs from behind. He slowly rubs between my legs with two fingers, and very gently slides them inside.

I gasp, then close my eyes in embarrassment as he pulls them out, soaking wet.

 

“Bad girl!” he says, jamming the wet fingers into my mouth “Bad girl! You’re very excited, aren’t you? You filthy little slut”

 

Shaking with pleasure as he fingers me, I don’t respond.

 

He takes a step back, then silence, then more silence, then lands a cold then suddenly hot spank firmly on my bottom. I inhale sharply. Feeling very horny! After 10 more spankings, he stops, and I hear the miniscule “zzzzzz-p” sound of him undoing his zip. I glance over my shoulder, my pink lip gloss smeared over my face by his glove.

 

“Face that gate and think about what you’ve done” he orders me.

“What I’ve done!” I exclaim “I haven’t – I – So there was this party right – but it wasn’t my ide –“

Ignoring me, he grips my hips firmly from behind and slides his cock into my now soaking wet pussy. He puts one hand over my mouth again, the other arm wrapped around my middle and begins fucking me roughly and passionately from behind. At first, I’m too embarrassed to let him know how much I’m enjoying it, but after a few moments, I am overcome with pleasure, and give in to lust, enjoying a noisy, wet orgasm all over his cock. The officer lifts me up slightly bouncing me on his cock as he cums inside me. It’s been many months of quarantine and at feels amazing to release some pent up frustrations. My feet reach the ground as I am gently lifted down, a quick “zzzzz-p” of his zipper closing, and a gentle click as my handcuffs are released. I turn round to face him, and we begin kissing passionately in the moonlight, his hands touching and groping me all over. His radio crackles

 

“Pete…. Pete, are you there?” A faint voice calls from the radio.

“Um, yeah. Yes. This is Chief Constable Howe.” He says, his voice lowering so I can’t hear him

Chief Constable? I think to myself. Chief Constable!

“Um, yeah, nobody here unfortunately,” he says, glancing at me “They all managed to get away, I’m just taking the dogs back to the car.”

The line goes dead.

“So, er, I’m not going to caution you this time – but, just, make sure you stay indoors until the end of lockdown.” Howe mumbles at me, not looking me in the eye. He fastens his handcuffs to his belt, and within seconds, he and the dogs have disappeared back into the night.

 

I step back into my now muddy and dishevelled outfit, collect my purse from the ground and slid my feet back into my glittery Jimmy Choos. Slowly, I make my way back to the main road.

 

**

 

It’s several weeks later and lockdown has finally ended. It’s noon and I have decided to take my lunch at the Landmark Hotel. Whilst I’m waiting for my tea I scroll through BBC News on my iPad, and a “Breaking News” notification flashes on my screen. I pop in my headphones and press play on the video.

 

“And news just in this afternoon” reads Nicky Campbell “The Metropolitan Police have just named their new Police Commissioner. Now we go live to Scotland Yard for the latest –“

 

The screen cuts, and I watch silently, my mouth ajar, as a face I would recognise anywhere materialises on the screen, a few seconds into a speech.

 

“… a pleasure an and honour to serve Londonners, not only as a Police Commissioner, but also as a hard working Civil Servant who believes in the value of transparency and decency in the Police. My job is to serve you. I really do find it important in todays climate, that trust between the public and the Police is both built and maintained, and I will do my best to ensure that-”

 

My tea arrives and I pause the video, Howes smart and sensible image frozen on my screen, my heart beating and a hot wave passing over me, as I remember that night, many weeks ago now.

 

The waiter arranges my tea and strainer, my iPad screen catching his eye as he stands up.

 

“Ah I saw that news just now.” He says, beaming down at me, “Really good chap that Howe is, they really don’t make many like him anymore”

 

“Oh,” I say, earnestly “Don’t they?”

 

No, it really is great news for the Police. Former Sandhurst boy, cleanest of records, straight as anything. He stays here from time to time as it happens, really down to earth guy.”

 

“Well -” I start, suddenly flustered “I, he certainly seems like he’s up to the job” I finish, managing a weak smile as I sip on my tea.

 

To be continued….

 

BF.

Quarantine Kitchen (4)

Hi yummies! Can’t stop, wont stop… cooking! Hope you enjoy my latest creations. From top left:

 

Chilli beef cups with sweet and salty chilli sauce; Fennel sausages with chickpea puree and tender-stem broccoli; Smoked haddock en papillote, with new potatoes, capers, fresh herbs, and asparagus; Piadina “pizzas”, topped with tomatoes, mozzarella and chorizo; Vegetarian Lazagne; The “Hakkasan” crispy duck salad (if you know, you know!); Toasted chipotle chicken and salad wraps; Salad of Parma ham, heritage tomatoes, rocket; Anzac biscuits, in honour of Anzac Day (April 25th); Four cheese and tomato omelette; Chilli crab crostini; Salmon, lemon and dill, baked with crispy potatoes, and buttered asparagus; Chicken, leek, and mushroom puff pastry pie; Cajun salmon, with sweet potato wedges, and mango salsa; Billies Cheeseboard; Monkfish and tiger prawn stew; Fish pie, with brown crab and cheddar mash, asparagus.

 

Hope you are well, and looking forward to a delicious meeting of an entirely different kind in the future.

 

Kisses from the kitchen,

Billie xxxxx