March Update

Hi Yummies!Writing this on a cold Sunday afternoon, the end to a hectic but lovely week. One of the highlights was definitely a delicious and creative Japanese Omakase tasting menu in Fitzrovia. I love Japanese food and it was a spectacular experience (I even enjoyed the sake, which I usually don’t). I also had another dinner at an Israeli restaurant – such a joyful cuisine (lots of bread and sharing – my type of food! I’ve wanted to go to Tel Aviv for the longest time to experience the cusine). I also (phew) managed to finally dine at Le Gavroche – a restaurant that has been on my bucket list for so many years (one of those ones you never get around to because there’s always something cooler or more interesting on the list). Anyway, I found the experience to be a bit of a let down! It’s probably one of those lessons about what happens when you leave things too long before getting round to them. So much anticipation, a girlfriend and I booked weeks in advance – only to leave wishing we’d stopped by Barrafina instead. I wonder if these restaurants will still exist in 50 years time; Le Gavroche seemed extremely tired (I love classic restaurants but this I felt was more stale than old school, and the service was very much on the “looking down on you” side). Onwards and upwards I guess – I’ll update my restaurant list soon as I’ve ticked off so many (with your help!) but have also added lots to the list. Since starting this blog I’ve also enjoyed Rules (Londons oldest restaurant, excellent for traditional British fare. Very grateful for this experience as I love this type of restaurant) and also Sketch (the 3* upstairs restaurant). Pierre Gagnaire is one of my favourite chefs and was actually cooking there and came over to say hello. In terrible, shaky French and with sweaty palms I told him how much I loved his restaurant in Paris and what an amazing chef I thought he was – I’m not sure if he understood a word I was saying but he seemed rather charmed regardless. I’ve a general rule that the best way of communicating is to open your mouth – either to smile, talk, or… 😉The latter would have been somewhat inappropriate – albeit rather thrilling – in a fine dining restaurant, so I made do with the other two.We are finally nearing Spring, my favourite season: the beginning of strappy sandals and outdoor dining, City breaks in the med and short summer dresses. The season of crab salads, warm evenings and optimism. In times like these optimism seems like it shouldn’t be possible, but if you know me you know despite the fact that I always always try to look to the future with optimism. I’m a firm believer of accepting the things you cannot change, but also that for the most part, things always work themselves out. Not wasting too much time stressing over other people’s decisions leaves a lot more head space for changing the things you actually have control over. I think a lot of people enjoy a feeling of control and I’d say for whatever reason I’m not one of those people. To the contrary I find more pleasure in giving up control! Its a complicated space being a woman who is outgoing(ish) but who also has submissive tendencies. Firstly, men won’t approach you because they are terrified. I think for some reason people judge (from looking) that I will be a stuck up person, or not veey frieny. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. I have a big heart and inside I’m just as uncertain as everyone else but people can’t see past appearances. How can I be intimidating? I’m 5ft 4 woman who enjoys cuddles, true crime documentaries, champagne, and shower sex (in that order!) I can’t remember where I was going with this… I suppose I was saying you can’t judge a book by its cover. The visually confident woman can also be the submissive woman (and often is!) The small effort can be appreciated greatly (and always is!) From the outside you can only see one face of somebody, or a situation, so it’s well worth diving in if you want to truly explore parts of a person, and of yourself, that you can’t see.So anyway, here I am walking through life with my stilettos on and one eye on The News (honestly one of my favourite indulgences on holiday is simply not checking the news, which these days seems to consist entirely of telling us all that the world will be ending soon in one way or another – my money is on Putins own people getting rid of him then climate change getting rid of us all. I’m deciding not to linger for too long on either of these subjects not because I’m flippant or dont have opinions, but because this blog is a positive outlet). Yes I’ve managed to squeeze some more travels in – travel is one of my favourite passtimes. I find it hard to pick my favourite places because for one, I’ve never been to a city I don’t like and for two, I love variety and am no sooner lugging my Rimowa suitcase out of Heathrow (always over the weight limit), than I am thinking of where next I’d love to travel to. Travel is an area of life where one must be a true slut: the best way to travel is to enjoy it as often and with as much variety as you possibly can. Travel in a romantic context is an entirely different genre from all other travel. Waking up in a new city with someone you have chemistry with and really fancy, morning sex then continental breakfast, cannot be compared to travel with friends or with people who you secretly don’t like that much. It’s to easy to write: stop doing things you don’t want to do with people you don’t want to do them with, and start doing the things you want to do with people you want to do them with. And yet, many times I’ve seen people eating in silence in a restaurant, palpably miserable in each others company. Not me! Life is about enjoyment and indulgence. John Ruskin once said “Labour without joy is base” and I quite agree.But anyway, after a week or so of floundering, I’m finally managing to get truly stuck into Les Mis, one of the most beautifully written books I’ve had the pleasure of reading. It’s one of those books which is physically imposing, but once you dive in, it’s incredibly gripping (another case of why you shouldnt judge a book by its cover – literally!). I’m about a third of the way through, and the other day I physically couldn’t put it down. I’ve not felt that way about a book in a long time. Having watched the musical I think in some ways knowing how it all ends makes the book more compelling. It’s like watching a murder mystery where you already know who did it but the true entertainment lies in how the director puts together the story. There are sections of writing that are so beautifully written that they genuinely made my heart beat faster. Writing is like music – there are only so many words in the same way there are only so many notes, and yet the gift some people have to put together words is something I’m in awe of. As a writer myself, I can’t help but feel almost jealous when reading books like this. What a talent! Difficult to carve out as much time as I’d wish to read but I’m trying to keep my brain as exercised as the rest of me!What else is new? Here, I had actually written out a moan about how this year for the 4th year running I hadn’t managed to go skiing (by which I mean hadn’t been invited skiing). I don’t believe in “manifestation” (or maybe I do but I’m old school and I call it “hard work and discipline” 😂), but anyway so glad to just accept a ski invite for the end of the month. Trying (failing) to resist buying one of those sexy-ski-bunny one piece ski suits (I already have one but I’d like something new). Now to book a couple indoor ski lessons as the last time I went skiing you may remember I ended up having to get rescued. Traveling through France post-Brexit as an English person who’s French mostly stretches to names of foods and dirty talk is embarassing enough, I don’t need to add being a feeble skiier to the list of humiliations. It’s always exciting to travel to new places with an open mind and for me these adventures are the difference between living and dying. The mountains are of course very romantic – if you’ve never had sex on the floor next to an open fire you’re missing out (note to reader – most of my hair products read HIGHLY FLAMMABLE so don’t throw me around too much 😋😂).Oops writing forever again – I sure you’ve got much better things to do than read my ramblings! I’m in London for the next few weeks so would be lovely to meet and/or catch up.See you soon,Kisses and licks!Billie ❤xx

Vinyl Love ii

For the size of my record collection (small) I would say my choices are extremely varied. Not many collections include Stormzy, Sinatra, and the Rolling Stones. My collection fits mostly into the following categories:80’s, Jazz, Soul, Funk, Hip hop, Rock, ClassicalUnder jazz you have everything from rat pack to smooth instrumentals, big bands to solo acoustics. Under instrumentals you have everything from Miles Davis to the soundtracks of many of my favourite films. Under Miles Davis you have rare live recordings to compilations of his favourite works and so on, and so on as the collection sprawls in various random directions. I thought I’d share with you some more of my favourites:

The Smiths – I started Something I Couldn’t Finish. Prince – Cream. Sade – Diamond Life.


Miles Davis – Kind of Blue. Wham – Club Tropicana. James Brown – Showtime.


Dean Martin – Only Forever. Eric Clapton – Eric Clapton. Stormzy – Gang Signs and Prayers.

Dizzy Gillespie – Concert of the Century. 2Pac – Greatest Hits. Pink Floyd – The Dark Side of the Moon.


Chet Baker – In Milan. Funkadelic – One Nation Under a Groove. Eurythmics – Touch.


Bobby Womack – The Poet. Jamiroqai – Travelling Without Moving. Rolling Stones – Hot Rocks

Eat Stars

Enjoyed a long lunch with friends at a restaurant I’ve wanted to try for so long. If you know me you know I’m massively into food and dining, so a real joy to tick off a Bucket List restaurant that created such an amazing dining experience. Do get in touch if this is a shared interest – let’s do dinner! xxxx B

Interview: Bedroom Edition

Morning or evening?

I’m definitely a morning person.Doggy or Cowgirl?DoggyCowgirl or missionary?Hmmm… missionaryMissionary or doggy?Sensual mood = missionarySlutty mood = doggyRoleplay French Maid or Naughty Nurse?MaidTurn ons:Usually a type of person and how they make me feel rather than specific things. Somebody who makes me laugh or is very assertive. Type who is gentlemanly outside of the bedroom. Smells nice and we have natural chemistry going with the flow. I like being groped, receiving compliments, deep kissing, a lot of passion and connection.Vibrator or fingers:Your fingers > My vibratorMy vibrator > My fingersFavorite toy:Lelo Smart WandAfter sex:Massage, foot rub, bum rub, long cuddles, dinner… a nap? hahaBDSM:I think I grew out of it. I don’t really care about this anymore. I do have a submissive side to my sexuality but this is more about me being a giving person who loves to please, than about conforming to any specific rules. I do have a lot of fetish style outfits (leather, latex, shiny etc) because I think they can be very sexy.Orgasms:I find it very easy to have orgasms/multiple orgasm from penetration. Especially in missionary with kissing.Watch or be watched:Be watchedFantasies:I suppose I am living my fantasyPorn?I rarely rarely watch it, only when extremely horny after a long while of no intimacy. Usually I just prefer to use my imagination. When I watch porn usually I watch multiple guys + 1 girl. Usually I prefer to watch other black/ebony girls.Favourite sensual things:Massage, shower or bath together, neck kissed, spooning, foot rub, cuddle, slow kissing.Kinks:Mostly rough sex, rough blowjob, and being choked.Favourite roleplay:Secretary/PABlindfold or handcuffs?HandcuffsDo you like girls?I’m only really interested in men sexually. I enjoy male company, and… cock 😇Lingerie:Yes, I love to dress up.Are you horny every day?Usually yes. I have a very sexual brain ‘ I’m not “sex crazy” or anything like that. But I enjoy physical intimacy and I do get horny a lot (like now writing this blog!)Oral sex:Usually enjoy more to give than receive. Like rimming as well (both ways)Do you enjoy foreplay?Yes, a lot especially kissing. I love being grabbed and kissed. I can enjoy sensual foreplay for a very long time beforehand, I love to tease and be teased. That said, if I’m around someone I have chemistry with and I’m feeling very horny sometimes I like to have passionate sex very quickly/immediately. This can be a big turn on for me. Just depends on mood and situation.Anal:No. I have some small toys but other than that I don’t really see the appeal (I see the appeal for you, but not for me 😂)Spanking:Yes I like it but nothing too hard. My favourite is short skirt and stockings and suspenders and having my skirt lifted for a spank.Random things you enjoy?Being bitten, hairy guys, sex on the floor, in front of mirror, having toes sucked, fingers in my mouth.How would you describe good sex?Natural chemistry, feeling comfortable and without any pressures. Enjoying the moment and the person you’re with without thinking about anything else. Stress relief! Good sex is when afterwards you feel even more attracted to the person than before. We are both feeling appreciated and satisfied.

B x

Mercedes R129: One to Watch.

First of all I’ll start by apologising. I’m apologising because I’m about to define a late 80’s- early 90’s car as a “classic” and I’m well aware it may make some readers feel a little old, but as someone born in the 90’s. I feel your pain… It happens to us all eventually and now it’s finally happening to me. There is nothing more sobering than a car from the year you were born being referred to as a “classic”, but we are where we are.The classic car market of course is more or less totally dictated by men who after some time can afford to buy the cars they aspired to have when they were teenagers, by which time those cars have become “classic” and are far less available. It’s therefore one of the most easy to predict markets there is (although I think it will start becoming less predictable over time as there are now so very many cars in the market, which means far less “it” cars). But I digress, let’s talk about my new favourite classic but let’s call it a “modern classic” so I don’t feel old 😂The Mercedes R129 SL is something I’ve just started to see grace the streets of West London a little more often recently. It’s very hard to find cars that are cool, but don’t make you look like a wanker (anyone in a Jaguar E type looks like a wanker, anyone in a vintage Aston IS a wanker, I don’t make the rules, it’s science). The thing about a well preserved 80s-90s car is that on the wanker-cool matrix, these cars lean heavily in favour to being very very cool. And that’s because this was a time when what it meant to be cool was changing. In came new beauty standards in the car industry – a car didn’t have to be curvy and wooden inside to be cool, she cool be angular and slick, she could look like with the press of a button she could fly to the moon. Cars before wore tweed suits and brogues, but the 90s car was something different, these cars wore sunglasses and leather jackets. The difference between a pre 70’s car and a post 80’s car is the difference between making love and having a fantastic shag. In an ideal world one does not have to choose of course (big smile). But I’m a 90’s baby and if I MUST choose, I’m picking the shag (forgive me!). I saw at a car show 2 years ago a SERIOUSLY well preserved ’89 SL that made my heart beat so fast it was so beautiful, a dark purple aubergine colour (iconic colour of the time), everyone gathered around to look at it and talk about engines (as is very common at car shows. I have been to maybe 50 car shows and they’re all the same – once the engine is on full display the men stand around staring at it, sometimes not talking. I have seen men stare at engines with such a sense of arousal and desire that I’ve felt the sudden urge to become an engine myself!). On this occasion it was a hot summers day and I was in a pair of denim shorts so small you needed to squint to see them, and despite this, mine was the second most appreciated backside at the car show after this beautiful SL. Outrageous!Some Good Things About the ’89-’97 SL:1. Not crazily priced (yet), in fact, affordable. I’ve had a quick look and they’re broadly speaking about the same price as my Mini Cooper! But will creep steadily up in value in a way my mini could only dream of. In 15 years time people who were born in the 90s will be in their 40’s, and I believe at that point the value of these will boom.2. You will not need to sell a kidney to find the price of spares or restoration. The colours of that era for this car are black and red – no tricky mustard or bluey grey tones to contend with, although I admit that dark purple is gorgeous. There’s a lot less wood involved in the interior, and for obvious reasons the availability of any part that’s 30 years old is going to be greater than those 50 year old parts you have to find when restoring a 70’s SL.3. Billie will think you are the coolest man alive and ride your cock accordingly.4. Despite it being more modern it has the hallmarks of a true icon. Bruno Sacco, who designed 6 Mercedes from the mid 70’s to late 90’s describes it as “the most perfect car of my career”. And also, there were 35,000 less sold than the previous R107 model, yet despite this, more sold per year. This makes it, in numerical terms, a car that was very desirable, yet simultaneously, less were built. These 2 things, plus the designers endorsement, and the fact that it was one of Princess Diana’s favourite sports cars, makes for a car that I believe in approx 10 -15 years time (if good condition, low mileage etc) will be not only exceptionally cool to own, but also a fantastic investment.5. The car equivalent of a person who’s both attractive but also… actually a nice person. This is a good looking car. Those lines! That design that embodies so much of what that time was about and says “I’m a car of the future”. But it’s also an extremely reliable car. Something 1993-’97 probably offers the best combo of looks and build. Classic cars are like people: some smell funny (I can’t stand classic car smell), some are life companions, some are on the constant verge of a breakdown, some never stop whining. This car is such a good all rounder. I can probably count on one hand the amount of cars you can take to Waitrose (looking cool and not like a wanker) but you can also bomb round the south of France in (still looking cool and not like a wanker). This is one – a Swiss army knife of a vehicle!(I do feel that reason #3 should probably be enough, even if you hate the car 😂)That’s the end of my unsolicited rant about the R129… This car will return to greatness – don’t say I didn’t warn you!Love,Billie x

Cellar plans and other good things

Good morning and Happy New Year (rather late than never!)It’s a long story but I should have been in Mexico for new years… it didn’t happen so I sat at home eating Sprungli Swiss chocolate (unpopular opinion but Swiss chocolate is better than Belgian), and watching a David Attenborough documentary about Mammoths. I had a few options (none particularly good) so in the end I decided that I couldn’t be bothered, and saw the new year in sober with my reading glasses on and my phone turned off (rock and roll!)Speaking of sobriety, today I did a smallish thing that has given me great pleasure. I had been thinking about this for a while but felt intimidated, but finally one of my favourite people persuaded me to open a small cellar plan with Berry Brothers. I can’t pretend to be an expert when it comes to wine and it’s the one area of the food world where I am woefully ignorant. I have maybe 30 bottles of varying quality and age, that are being stored poorly, the best of which have all been gifts. I have had some truly heavyweight fine wines, which I admit I haven’t really appreciated. I almost never drink reds unless I’m having steak, and even then I can usually be persuaded to go white. For shame, my go to “Fridge Wine” is a £10.99 Villa Maria Sauvignon Blanc. I enjoy the 2 rosé wines that every woman loves: Whispering Angel, and Miraval. I’m usually enjoying something new world and uncomplicated, but I want to improve my palate and understand better the world of wine.Note: I do of course know, this comes from here, that tastes like that. This should pair with this. But I understand the theory, but need more practical experience tasting (sounds like fun!)So anyway I opened my (very very tiny) cellar today and shall be doing a lot of reading and listening and hopefully if you are somebody who enjoys wine you can bring a bottle to share or one I can keep (here’s to starting off the New Year with some shameless begging haha 🥂).This year (all 6 days of it) have already been a total whirlwind. Thank you! So many delicious and luxurious experiences. I have a feeling that this will be a special and exciting year. I don’t have new years resolutions because for me personally that mindset doesn’t work. However I do have very specific goals and experiences I would like to achieve, and they are.1. A fitness goal that I would prefer to keep to myself.2. Travel to 10 countries.3. Double my stocks and shares portfolio (by the way this is going really well. Again this is really just a tiny baby amount of stocks I have however, I’m up 70%).4. Get back on the golf course and have a sub 20 handicap by years end.5. Eat 50 Michelin stars.These are my targets for this year, they are all achievable (other than perhaps the golf because you need so much time and that’s the only thing I never have enough of!). My goals cover the things I find most important: my fitness, food, travel, financial stability, and the golf I suppose is there because I feel I’ve really let myself down with my progress. I went from 2-4 lessons a week to having not picked up a club in over 6 months and I’m annoyed at myself for having been lazy and not finding the time. The golf is more symbolic than it seems – it’s more about managing my time well, persevering even at something I’m not naturally good at (something I find quite difficult). I’ve always been at least fairly athletic and am used to finding physical things very easy and learning quickly. However golf (please forgive this obvious statement) is really hard! I must put the time in and this year I will. What I think I’ve realised with most things is the best thing you can do is keep going. Even if you feel that you are not making progress. So I think this year will be more about showing up for my lessons consistently than thinking I’m going to head into 2023 as the new Tiger Woods.Where shall we travel to this year I wonder? I do hope you’re not considering being boring this year! My top picks this year are Singapore (never been, would love to go especially for food), South Africa (ditto, but for Safari), and I love Greece and have been more than 20 times, so would love to get back to the Greek Islands maybe spring or late summer. I don’t want to sound like an old lady but I can’t stand these places peak season – I like things a little more chilled – I don’t want to fight for a sun lounger, or a restaurant reservation, and I don’t want to have someone’s 3 year old smash me round the shins with an ipad before dive bombing into the pool and splashing me and my book with freezing cold water (the trauma hasn’t left me!). My favourite two words when booking a hotel (other than “Complimentary Breakfast”) are “Adults Only” haha. There are so many very beautiful hotels I have seen that I would love to visit. Cap Rocat in Mallorca. There’s that one on Lake Como (I don’t think you can go there without falling in love) but also the Amalfi, Portofino and so on. I haven’t visited these places but would love to. I love Italy because you can experience the culture in a soft way – it’s hardly taxing to eat spaghetti vongole, drink Aperol Spritz, or stroll through beautiful little villages, and at the same time the italians know how to make everything beautiful and romantic. I am a (foolishly) romantic person so I guess it works for me.Annoyingly a 2 weeks ago I managed to smash my favourite wine glasses – my beloved Zalto glasses which were the first I ever loved. I remember when eating out eventually I could spot them by eye. They’re extremely fine with the most delicate stem that looks like it would break if the wind blew on it too hard. So I was having a tidy up and my elbow caught the last 2 in the kitchen  and I let out a pathetic girly scream as they hit the floor and shattered into a million pieces. Tried to replace them online and it turns out I’d run into a worldwide glass shortage, with Zalto glasses in particular being extremely difficult to come by. The price has increased by 20% and there’s a 6 month wait list. Clearly I’m in the wrong business! So annoying, I got some other glasses from Selfridges – the Richard Brendon Jancis Robertson (no idea who either of these people are) Universal wine glasses which are just OK. Now I know I’ve already done a bit of begging earlier in this blog but one thing Catholic School taught me was there’s no better way to achieve salvation than getting on your knees (something I’ve been taking literally for a few years now) so er…. if anyone sees and Zalto Universal glasses (big pretty sparkly smile here) do let me know.I’ve had such a good start to the year and am currently packing for another overseas adventure at the end of the month (I wonder if I’ll soon be entitled for that Non Domecile tax thingy for people who don’t spend too much time in the UK). I love packing for a trip and I always end up buying a few new things depending on the location. Two of my guilty pleasures are that I enjoy both long-haul flights and airplane food (I know I’m probably alone on this one!). I think I have a thing where in broad terms I really like “transport”. I enjoy the point A to point B journey usually as much as the arrival at point C. I love long car journeys – I’m a terrible driver but a fantastically enthusiastic passenger who enjoys singing along to the radio, handing you snacks, and trying to distract you by trying to unzip your trousers whilst you’re in the fast lane (sure it’s dangerous but we’ve all go to die sometime). I also love long flights and long train journeys – would love to do the famous Orient Express train – they have just refurbished it and it looks truly amazing and so romantic. A lot of my best writing is completed when in transit. Even when I used to take the train to work I used to write down poems and ideas in my phone, some of which weren’t too bad.Anyway next week looks to be an interesting one, as I’m starting my trading course so will be juggling planet Billie with this beginners course which I felt was necessary for me to learn the basics that I’m still struggling to grasp. I’ve read a few books, and nodded enthusiastically at advice, but I’ve always been more of an academic person who learns best I the old school teacher-student context. I was an insufferable nerd at school who did the extra essays for fun and so on. I love learning, I find grasping new concepts exciting, and of course it’s always a nice feeling to improve yourself and become good at something. My general plan isn’t really to trade at all, it’s to buy and hold onto things for a long time. Please do not bombard me with helpful emails, I already have a fantastic mentor. Doing these grown up things is terrifying, but I’m hoping my future self might thank me for being able to bumble my way through some of these processes. I find I’m somebody who gets very intimidated by things like this. I remember once even going into a nice car showroom to collect a car (not mine, sadly) and feeling sick with worry that everyone would judge me (silly I know!) I think a lot of people think I’m supremely confident because that’s just what people think about women who wear heels and smile a lot but now I’m thinking about this trading course and I feel so nervous! Which is weird because in other areas of my life I clearly love being outside of my comfort zone.These blogs always end abruptly when I scroll up for a bit and realise how long I’ve been rambling on! I think we are at about that point so I’ll be off!Kiss!Billie

8 Luxurious Things That I Enjoy in Winter

1. Winter sun. What greater luxury is there than being able to simply fly yourself to better weather! Sun, sand, very very small bikinis and lots of sex would be my menu of choice. I definitely believe that the sun does change your mood. Fresh food and warm evenings are the perfect escape from the cold months in the UK. Nobody will admit it but there’s something very satisfying about reclining in your sun lounger having just ordered yourself another Pina Colada, then checking the weather back in England where undoubtedly there will be some combination of snow/flood/rain. Ha!2. Skiing. Okay so I don’t know if its fair to say I truly enjoy skiing. More accurate accurate say I see skiing as the most enjoyable means to an end, the end being red wine, melted cheese and lovely little rustic French restaurants. I love the fresh Alpine air and I never miss an opportunity to get my sexy one-piece ski suit out – even if it means I’ll be on the green slopes in snow plough taking selfies, instead of tackling anything even remotely challenging. After that, I’ll be waiting in the hot tub 🤣3. In winter, the list of things you can steal from men is endless. Some of my favourite winter things to steal (er, I mean borrow…): Cashmere socks and jumpers. Especially the ones you never wear because they’re so nice haha. I’ll be having those! The cost of nice knitwear is like the cost of bed linen – it’s an outrageous expense that you’re totally unprepared for until one day you’re strolling through the White Company looking for a King Size Duvet cover and a few pillowcases and you end up almost having a heart attack at the checkout when they show you the bill. I mean.. How can all this cotton REALLY be from Egypt and why does that matter? A girl can spend a month’s rent on cushion covers and fitted sheets if she’s not careful. Therefore when it comes to knitwear I much prefer stealing yours 😇 What girlfriend can resist lovely soft knitwear. In a weeks time when I get the inevitable “Billie, any chance I can get my socks back?” text, I simply ignore it or pretend I don’t know what you’re talking about.4. Game season. I try to eat all available British game each year (I see it like the game Pokémon, except, er, you eat what you find). I’m a big fan of game birds – teal (a small duck) and quail in particular, and I also love my venison (I make very delicious venison burgers).5. Wearing sexy high heeled winter boots. If you know me you know I’m a high heel addict and love LOVE sexy leather boots. Weapon of choice: wiggling down New Bond Street in high heeled boots, super tight jeans and fur coat.6. When you’ve got a nice car with a passenger seat that warms my bum up (it’s one of my best assests and must be protected at all costs). Some of these car seats even vibrate or pulsate or whatever these days. I appreciate it!7. Escape to nice posh country hotel with open fire and spa. Long walk in the grounds and sex in the bushes then back in for romantic dinner. After dinner I will have many cocktails and flirt with you outrageously and give you long French kisses in public and you’ll have to take me to the bedroom for approximately three and a half minutes of drunken passion 🤣😘8. Men wearing winter things that I personally find very sexy such as: Long coats, Chelsea boots, “lounge wear” trousers with no underpants underneath, bath robe and slippers (it’s cute), gilets, polo neck jumpers, Black tie with shiny shoes (omg very sexy), leather gloves, Barbour jackets, comfy jumper that makes you PERFECT FOR A CUDDLE 🥰

Food: A Love Language

They say you are what you eat, but I don’t remember being a melt in the middle chocolate pudding smothered in hot fudg-Actually, nevermind.Today I was talking to somebody who is lucky enough to have bagged seats at Noma (I’ve wanted to eat at this restaurant for years, but it’s easier to get the truth out of Boris Johnson than a table at this place). Anyway talking about this restaurant and some other experiences made me realise that all the most formative restaurant experiences I’ve ever had have come from being a companion. I can remember with clarity, by first ever lobster, my first time trying so many things: foie, venison, even my first ever glass of wine, believe it or not was as a dining companion (I started drinking very late which is why I’m both a lightweight and a lightpalate when it comes to alcohol). There’s only one vintage champagne I truly love, and that’s the 2010 Dom Perignon – on my deathbed if I’m given the choice between more oxygen and a bottle of this, I’ll take my chances with the bubbly.Anyone that knows me know that food is a fundamental part of my life and my personality, and the area in which I have decided to concentrate my efforts outside of planet Billie. Its very unfashionable to enjoy fine dining right now – years of stuffy restaurants with sommeliers that look down on you and dresscodes that inhibit you are rightfully correcting themselves, but I will always (always) love fine dining. Classical French (and to a certain extent Japanese) cuisine, represents the height of human sophistication. For my birthday this year I enjoyed the best fine dining meal I have ever experienced, 2* Alain Ducasse in Paris, a meal so deeply sensual I defy even the iciest of women not to gasp with pleasure as they split open the most glorious baba before soaking it with your choice of rum. God knew what he was doing having me born in the middle of white truffle season – it only runs September to December – a late October birthday means you can celebrate properly with a satisfying mound of white gold on your plate. The smell, the presentation, and if you understand truffles it’s hard not to be seduced also by the story – should reincarnation exist there is nothing I’d rather be on my return to earth than a truffle pig that snaffles 20% of the produce.A lot of people don’t know this but much of French cuisine comes from an Italian chef – when Catherine de Medici married Henry VII of France, she bought her pastry chef with her, and he created a huge amount of what is seen as traditional French patisserie (choux pastry and so on). Food, like music or art is such an intrinsic part of our culture – in fact where there is no art and no music, there must still be food. I have enjoyed the culinary arts my whole life, and made my first omelette unaided, aged about 4. Over this summer I’ve had to explain to a fair few house guests that the plastic bag on the dining room table is moving around a bit as I’ve bought some live langoustine that I’ve not yet dispatched. I am not at all squeamish when it comes to these things – I enjoy country life and hope to go shooting one day; completing my butchers course (don’t be afraid haha) was so enjoyable I have decided to do something more advanced when I get the time. I love to prepare food and to cook – cooking and writing are probably the two things I’m best at, (other than being sexy as hell with a nice bum, obviously). For me, sharing my food is an expression of love, and it’s extremely satisfying to see someone genuinely enjoying things I’ve made in the kitchen.But of course quality food doesn’t need a white tablecloth and a wine list the size of the Yellow Pages to have value- In an old vineyard in Sicily I’ve had one of the best meals in my life (no menu, they just feed you and feel you until you beg for gelato), in the Shoreditch era of my life I was not above finding some doorway to sit in and enjoy whatever the flavour of the month street food was. I think at one point we feel we have something something prove, but I went through my “You’re not anyone unless you’ve got a table at Helene Darozze” phase long ago, and now my favourite restaurants are those that are very quality centric – a few of these may get a Michelin Star but most of these are “real” places, doing real things.My London top 10 (non fine dining) restaurants are as follows. In no particular order.Andrew Edmunds/ Noble rot. Both soho institutions where the menu changes daily. Fabulous wine list at both spots. No one banging on, no Gucci loafers or selfies. Beautiful hearty cooking, with Noble Rot being slightly more elevated (I ate calves brains there for the first time a few months ago – wouldn’t recommend haha).Bocca Di lipo. Another soho spot and my favourite Italian (with many plates and most of the staff Sicilian). I love to sit at the bar/open kitchen. Impossibly good small plates – supposed to be “sharing plates” but I often go alone so I don’t have to. One of the few places you can get a true regional taste of Italy (ask for spaghetti bolognaise or tiramisu and they will laugh at you)34 Grosvenor Square. Okay so this is sort of the place you go to if you can’t get a table at Scotts (it’s the same owner) however I like it a lot more especially for a date I find it somehow the perfect date restaurant. This is by no stretch of the imagination the best food you’ve ever had, but somehow every time I’ve been here has been magical and memorable, staff are great. The sort of place you order a bottle of champagne with lobster and fries.Guinea grill. The best pub with food in London. Stuck in a time warp (old school pub, I’m often the only woman, the men who eat here have double barrel surnames and don’t know what a vegan is). The dining room at the back is the perfect comfortable and classic Gentlemen’s Restaurant. It’s a meat centric pub menu that is in no way trying to be cool – you cannot get a better steak – they are sourcing the best possible British meat available. The lamb chops are my favourite, and you must must must have the peas with onions and bacon. Sanctuary for those in Mayfair who have no interest in tasting menus and £30 cocktails.Maison Francois. First tried this year and just loved it. The Bistro of dreams, unapologetically chic – beautifully presented food, full fat, full flavour French plates, and a dessert trolley that’ll have you undoing your belt sooner than you thought you would! Upmarket but not fancy. They do this bread with mussels on top that is so good I would return just for the this. As expected from a French restaurant, lengthy, boastful wine list.Brat. This restaurant opened at the end of my road many moons ago and the first time I dined there I predicted they would get a Michelin Star. About a year later, they did. Seriously good seafood, mostly cooked on open fire. Everyone working here has a beard and tattoos, it’s that kind of place. The memory of their velvet crab with chorizo lives on, glad I moved to west London or I would eat here weekly. If you’re very into wines, they have an interesting list, with a lot of “natural wines” and so on.Sabor. Tucked behind Regent Street and here to remind you that there’s a lot more to Spanish food than patatas bravas. I love the kitchen seats at the downstairs restaurant (was walk in only last time I went). Honestly the food here embodies the Spanish spirit – it is vibrant, generous, colourful, bold. Tapas, but not as you’ve had it before. Arrive hungry, leave satisfied (I should have that written on a sign above my door haha).Quality Chop House. Downside: it’s in Clerkenwell so it’s a bother to get to. Upside: everything else. Over lockdown I would walk here anyway as they’ve a fantastic shop, deli and butcher that stayed open as is well worth making the detour for. The QCH duck fat confit potatoes are (I’m serious) the best potato in London, so good you’ll find yourself pinching one off your dates plate whilst they use the bathroom (sorry!) the smoked cods roe smeared on bread has become one of my favourite snacks, and as the name suggests, this is another restaurant that truly focuses on meat – everything is British, organic, rarebreed etc.Barbary. Masters of all things mellow and spicy. North African, “Berber” (Moroccan, Tunisian, Algerian etc) style mezze plates – this restaurant once held its spot as my favourite in London. Another sit at the bar situation, the flatbreads hit the table just seconds after being prised from the oven. I love my spice (not to be confused with heat for heats sake) and this for me is a place to get the most fantastic spiced plates I town (closely followed by BiBi Mayfair, newly opened and very cool small plates Indian restaurant that I recently tried and found to be so good that I booked another table for the next week on my way out).There are many food destinations I am yet to visit. This year I managed to finally tick San Sebastián off my bucket list. I had wanted to visit the Basque Region for years and it didn’t disappoint; the fine dining was eclipsed by the Pintxos bars in the Old Town – small bars where you’re like to have some of the best tiny-tapas you’ve ever had. I enjoyed a steak and foie burger so mouth wateringly moist it needed no condiments – just sea salt flakes and a fresh bread roll were enough to make this perhaps the best I’ve ever had. I did dine at two 2 star restaurants for dinner, one of which – Mugaritz – was almost laughably bad – the caricatures of what people mean when they say they don’t like fine dining. Some courses were confusing, others were in no uncertain terms disgusting, and the chef had gone out of his way to make things difficult to eat: one course was a slimy gel served on a piece of slate with no cutlery – you’re supposed to scrape it off with your fingers and eat it with your hands. Yes, very “amusing” but this joke repeated itself course after course until your mind couldn’t help but wonder to the Pintxos bars – to the lovely little plates of calamari and sardines and the thick slices of Basque cheesecakes (one cheesecake shop is so famous you must queue for an hour for a slice – unless you’re Basque of course in which case feel free to push in front. Even the football team, Athetico Bilbao only permits you to play you were born in the region, which if you think about it is borderline outrageous. Anyway, I waited an hour or so to get my cheesecake and it was absolutely worth it.)I would like to revisit Thailand and visit for the first time Hong Kong, Singapore, and Japan to continue my food adventures. I think I mentioned earlier that Japanese food for me represents the height of culinary sophistication (along with French). I like the Japanese-ish restaurants in London- Nobu, Roka, Zuma and so on, although I do often wonder what attractive women would eat in these places if black cod, tempura, and sashimi didn’t exist. I also like some of the better places – Umu, Engawa, Kurisu Omakase (was lucky enough to know one of their suppliers and had an amazing selection of sushi there) but if I’m honest I have a lot to learn and experience when it comes to Japanese food and I feel you must be there to experience it. I really enjoy Thai food too (although I’m a bit of a heat wimp – I love chilli but embarrassingly given my background can’t take it too hot). Closer to home there are so many interesting things happening in Scandinavia, where the food is like modern art – it’s honest and clean. And the Champagne region of course (for obvious reasons, glug glug!) The French of course know how to live and how to eat and I’ve finally worked out the secret to anything French and tasty: Butter. I bought back a pat of beautiful Normandy butter that I’m slowly chipping away at. Its so perfect you feel bad using it as an ingredient – it’s best appreciated spread on hot toast with nothing else (if you’ve not had a dry champagne with toast and butter after sex you haven’t lived!)But to clarify, sex and food (together) is a big no for me. I am sure parts of you are delicious enough without the need for whipped cream and all these other things people use to try and make bad sex good. Adding food to sex is like adding Tomato Ketchup to a sunday roast – it is quite against nature, and makes a good thing bad and a bad thing tragic. With good company and natural chemistry the very very last thing I’m thinking about is whipped cream. I am thinking oooh I would like some more of this (sex, not ketchup) and also please kiss me again. The food comes after. It’s a lovely feeling to enjoy a delicious meal having just had an exhilarating experience – it feels well deserved and I believe that dining is the worlds love language, the perfect accompaniment to conversation: a way to bond, indulge, and create memories.

Perhaps we shall create some food-memories of our own in the new year?



Billie x

Les Mis

Getting invited to see the show at the theatre, gave me the extra nudge needed to finally start the book – a book that has conveniently been sat in one of my cases for a few years now. You only have to read the first page to already appreciate the quality of the writing. Cracking open a book you’ve owned for a while is like opening a bottle that’s been gathering dust for years on your wine rack – the joy (when it’s good) is somehow intensified. It’s a revelation to realise in that thing you’ve been neglecting for so long, lies so much joy and pleasure. It’s the perfect example of searching far and wide for something that may well be under your nose. I should have started this book the day I bought it, but it was one of the few books I own that I purchased myself (I’m terrible at choosing books for myself) and my main reason for buying it was because it’s one of those books you should have in your case – like Dickens or Orwell. Anway, she’s a chunky number, but I’m enjoying her already.

Coming out as a filmgin

I feel it is important to confess something that may not be immediately apparent when perusing my profile. I’ve been hiding this for years but finally I have found the inner strength and shaken off the stigma and am owning my truth.I, Billie Farlow, am a filmgin.Filmgin (noun); a person with little or no film watching experience.Yes I’ve watched some films. Talk to me about Polanski, talk to me about French cinema or Scandi noir and sure I know a few things. This isn’t pretentiousness by the way, years ago I used to go to the Curzon in Bloomsbury by myself almost once a week on a Sunday morning and they would almost always play an arthouse film at that time and the screen would almost always be empty. I remember watching a documentary about Pina Bausch that was so beautiful I dreamt about it. I remember “Elle”,  French film that would and could never be produced in English, such were the sexual themes explored. Another French film I enjoyed was “Polisse”, gritty and with a dark, French ending. I remember watching a truly bizarre film, I think it was Norwegian that I didn’t realise was supposed to be a farce until after I watched it, but with the cinema totally empty (other than me) there was nobody there to laugh at it, so I interpreted the film in a totally different way. I watched “The Turin Horse” an arty Hungarian film and marvelled at its beautiful opening scene, in black and white and allegedly shot in one take. This year another Billie-esque film was released called “Pig”. The plot begs belief (I haven’t watched it yet), the synopsis on the Curzon website reads: “A truffle hunter who lives alone in the Oregonian wilderness must return to his past in Portland in search of his beloved foraging pig after she is kidnapped.” (It’s like “Taken” with Liam Neeson, except it’s, er, not an innocent girl that’s been taken, it’s a pig). And before you ask, I haven’t actually watched Taken, I just know what it’s about. Anyway, I’ll be watching Pig, and I’ll be on the lookout for more arty films as I always am… but for some reason any normal films (including the worlds most iconic films) have completely eluded me.I feel ashamed of my filmginity and recently decided to write the wrongs of my shamefully filmginous past. I’m in the process of creating a master list of the most iconic films of all time. Here’s what I’ve ticked off my list so far, the last three I’ve watched for the first time within the last 2 weeks.BraveheartFinal thoughts: Definitely now support the SNP after what they did to him. Much more fun if you imagine it’s a documentary. Made me cry.The MatrixFinal thoughts: #1 I cannot believe I’ve gone this far through my life without watching this film. #2 add long leather jacket to wishlist. #3 probably need to watch again to fully appreciate.The Shawshank RedemptionFinal thoughts: Wonder if Morgan Freeman would consider adopting me. Beautiful film that can’t be improved. Made me cry.Gladiator:I’m half way through because I started watching last night and the violence and tension made me feel nauseous (I’m a wimp!) Will finish today. Great plot, Russell Crowe is of course welcome to ruin my empire any time he wants. Wonder if the excessive violence is totally necessary.I’ve got others on my list: Forest Gump, The Godfather, Sideways, Trainspotting… if you can name an iconic film I can guarantee you I have never watched it. I know the ideas – in fact the password for a gallery on my website was “Rosebud” from Citizen Kane, another film I haven’t watched. Schindlers list? Haven’t watched it. Titanic? Goodfellas? Pulp Fiction? Nope nope nope! Feels good to admit it. I’m a filmgin and I’m no longer ashamed! Catholic School has a lot to answer I’ve been self-flagellating over this issue for years. I’ve stood mingling at cocktail parties and managed to talk for HOURS about these films. Ha! Never watched them! I can take a few guesses as to why. One is that when I was much younger I simply couldn’t afford the cinema. Another thought is some of these (most of these) came out when I was a child so I would have to have made the effort years later to watch them, but I had by then made the decision not to own a television (I got my first TV less than 2 years ago) and with the cinemas not playing 90’s films the opportunity to watch them sort of missed me. I think the third contributing factor is that I don’t usually enjoy sitting still watching a screen. I often put the radio or TV on in the background whilst I’m doing something else, it’s extremely rare I will be sitting down and watching anything, when I could be writing or cooking (or whatever) at the same time. I’ve watched whole TV series’ where I barely know what the characters look like because I only glance up from the other task I’m doing every few minutes or when I hear an explosion.There is however, something very exciting about having never watched any films others would consider noteworthy, and that is that I get to enjoy all these amazing films for the first time ever now. That’s the magical thing about truly great films: you DIDN’T have to be there. The gut wrenching hand sweating fear I feel watching Gladiator today, is no less than what I would have felt watching it 10 years ago when it first came out. Lying in bed after watching the Matrix, the pseudo-psychological conversations I began having with myself were probably the same ones other people had when they first watched it. I was 8 when The Matrix came out and in some ways wouldn’t have wanted to have watched it for the first time when I was, say, 20 years old. I understand ideas better now, I see it as a deeply philosophical libertarian film, and yes, I will be procuring a leather jacket and trousers at the soonest opportunity. I’m asking my dates for their favourite films to add to my list and hope to slowly tick everything off.Film is one of those things I feel I should enjoy – if fact I do enjoy – I’ve just been enjoying smaller films, films with subtitles, films that make me appear far more windswept and interesting than I actually am. But when it comes to the big name films, when you tell people you haven’t watched any of them they look at you like you’ve just said you don’t know who the Beatles are.After much luck with travel, finally some bad news – my new years plans have been thwarted by our good friend Omicron, meaning I’ll be in London over the new year with plenty of time to enjoy more films (the posh M&S snacks to accompany said films are on their way in in Ocado van as we speak).So that’s my confession over and done with, spank me of you feel you need to, I quite understand. Feels great to let you know my secret shame and I expect my ascent from filmgin to filmslut shall be a speedy and pleasurable one. Now off to finish Gladiator (if my nerves can take it!) I genuinely have no idea how it ends, but I’m hoping they don’t kill him off or I’ll be reaching for the tissues again haha.Kisses from my home cinema,Billie x

PS: I’ve just finished watching and I’m crying like a baby they KILLED MAXIMUS! Who writes this stuff?? As if real life isn’t bleak and tragic enough without the fictitious worlds we create compounding the misery! Could they not have let him live and go back to his little farm and his wife and kid get resurrected and it ends with them all having a big roast dinner (if such a thing existed during the Roman Empire) and hugging each other? Is that really too much to ask! I’m not being high maintenance but they should definitely make alternative feelgood endings for sensitive souls like me. I’ve nobody here to cuddle and cry on so I’m self medicating with ice cream and masturbation (boohoo).

PPS: Dear American readers, “film” is English for “movie”. I implore you to use the word “film”: it’s a far better word. Book a date and I’ll say all kinds of sexy English words in your ear.

A Few Recent Highlights

1-4: Dinner at 1* Portland Restaurant, boxing – my new obsession – such a great workout, one hell of a negroni at the London opening of Il Borro, 2nd private plane experience in the Caribbean – always get extremely nervous taking off but loved the experience.

5-8: Merry Christmas from The Bulgari, babies first Private Island (staying on a private island is the same as staying on any other kind of island except the bragging rights last longer), three whiskys to add to my bar cart (Oban, Lagavulin, and The Balvenie – thanks!), Sashimi at The Ivy.


9-12: Peking duck the traditional way at Mimi Mei Fair, Christmas pressies, test driving the new British Airways planes and business experience (I hate BA with a soul consuming passion but begrudgingly have to say, it is excellent, now in line with Emirates and other premium airlines – about time! The staff weren’t miserable either it’s a miracle haha), dinner and live jazz? yes please.

13-16: Fantastic seats at Les Miserables, dinner at the Guinea Grill – my favourite pub for food, hello from beautiful Paris (what woman can resist!), oysters and good company.