Exclusive Update

Up early for a quick video call to a high profile client who’s going through a hard time and can’t get away for in person meets.
Not the sharpest tool in the box it has to be said, but I persist in hopes of nom-dom tax status which he says he’ll give me if I show a bit more nipple.

South Africa

Mission: Mountain climbing, Safari, Fine dining, Helicopter exploits, miscellaneous other adventures.

Status: Complete.

Kruger in Rain

More a collection of poetic thoughts I jotted down whilst being driven through Kruger. This particular day was rainy, and a lot of vultures were in trees above – favouring the dead trees. In the heavy rain found myself drawn to the most destructive forces of weather and animal behaviours. I’m currently reading Les Mis and am at the part where Valjean is shortly about to attempt escape from the convent in a coffin. I think this part of the book has influenced the religious imagery that has featured in my recent poems. I’m not religious – but I think particularly in the wilderness you get a sense of magnitude that is usually reserved for religious iconography.Will work this into a poem when I get the time. Most poems I write come from the first stanza (or 2) that come to me fully formed and I build around those to complete it.


Kruger in Rain.

Vultures perch onBaron treesWindswept and wicked:Dangerous fruitOthersDive to death and playThat haunting hammer:Beak on boneThe Beast will take its shareOf deathThe Bird will scavengeWhat is leftThe Bush will salvageBones bereft:A noble feastDescends to theftBlack leaves rot on riverbanksLike gangrenous lobesAll from dust:To dust returns.BF.

The Forest (First Draft)

*This isn’t really a poem, more a few ideas I jotted down whilst running through the forest*


The Forest.A leaf spirals down like a single confettiCongratulating the earth on all she has yielded
This be the birth of a season
Dead trees pose and posture likeSpidersSome fall into each otherAnd stay thereForever likeDrunken soul matesOld daffodils shrivel to barely a memoryFerns unfold and wave their lossTrees so high they touch GodAnd have beenTouched by GodLeaves the colour of wineForm a majestic chandelierThat casts a carpet of dancing foliageCrushed underfoot asBirds sing overear


–  BF

Feelgood News

Thought I would share some positive moments:


(Left) A one eyed old cat that disappeared for 5 years, finally found (living in a prison 😂) and returned to owner.

(Right) Closer to home, my lovely cleaner finally reunited with her mother and daughter who had to flee Ukraine on foot.


Your Monday Morning reminder that good things do happen!

B xx

London – Bray – Copenhagen – Heckfield

Enjoyed 10 Michelin Stars in 1 week(!) Heston Blumenthals “Fat Duck”, Alain Ducasse at the Dorchester, Alchemist in Copenhagen, and 1 Green Michelin Star at my favourite country hotel. And some shopping because naked people have little to no influence on society 😋 I’ve also started reading “Putin’s People” a fascinating book recommended to me a while ago. Whilst I was away I’ve been trying to keep up with my fitness regime (although I think in some ways it’s best to just submit to these tasting menus and enjoy them for what they are). Still, I loved running through the woods at Heckfield, and it put me in a great headspace for writing and ideas. Wordsworth was right when he said “Nature never did betray the heart that loved her.” I love being outdoors and in nature, so with my makeup off an my wellies on, it was a nice escape from the pomp and pace of London – I could have stayed there forever! It may surprise you that my eventual plan is to live in the countryside in a house with a lot of land, a 3 car garage (even though I can’t drive 😂) and a kitchen with a Sub Zero fridge (owning a Sub Zero fridge is the second fastest way to woo me 😂😂, the fastest way to woo me is to have a bottle of cold Champagne in said fridge and if you’ve had the foresight to put the champagne glasses in the freezer I’ll be moving in tomorrow 😂). In Denmark, I also tried working out in a High Altitude room for the first time. Phew! A really exhilarating workout – I wish this was available in London.


Many moons ago a gentleman took me to Copenhagen. We were both very into dining and a lady on the flight recommended we try a new, kooky 10 seat restaurant called alchemist. We enjoyed an avant-garde 100 course tasting, cooked by an unknown chef. A few years have passed and the chef has gone on to get huge investment, move to a warehouse space near NOMA, gain 2 Michelin stars, and create the most highly creative, ad best fine dining experience I have had. I remember who I was then and who I am now. And how the restaurant was then and how it is now. Experiencing the growth of this restaurant (and myself) was a moment of reflection for me. A lot can happen in a few years with hard work, persistence, self belief, and a little luck. **By the way – I do eat normal food too haha, but yes I am passionate about fine dining and creative restaurants.
I keep forgetting to update my availability, but safe to say my pre-Covid travel schedule has resumed. If you know me you know I want to visit almost everywhere, but Singapore, Japan, Maldives, Sardinia, and South Africa are high on my list. Also, a road trip through Italy that mostly involves food, sex, and little hotels run by old ladies named Antonella who insist on feeding me gnocchi at every opportunity. Also the South of France but not the places with everyone in their Gucci loafers banging on about a yacht. Which I guess means I don’t actually want to visit the South of France 😂. I wish they would open a private island for people who love luxury things but aren’t pretentious wankers.*
*If you are a Gucci loafer wearing pretentious wanker with a yacht in the South of France, my last comment was a JOKE, obviously. Please take me 😂
** Seriously, please 😂

Humble Grape

Humble Grape.Hello yummies! Finally getting stuck into my little Cellar Plan and enjoying learning a lot (do wine tastings count as “Personal Development”? haha). Anyway, if you did want to bring a gift I would most appreciate some good wines for my cellar. I currently only have 2 cases plus a few bits I’ve collected over the years (mostly champagnes and a couple old reds). Feeling a bit embarassed to have so little but hoping I’ll build up a small but lovely collection. By chance I made friends with a really amazing sommelier and wine buyer and she’s promised to take me to some tastings and events, which I’m really looking forwards to. I once said (after a few Champagnes) that I’d drink anything if it’s free – ha! 😂  – and although that’s true (I do draw the line at tequila though, horrendous stuff), I would particularly like to add Burgundy, Mersault, Champagne, and Rioja to my cellar. Actually, ignore me, beggars can’t be chosers! If you have any extra bottles or something you think I may enjoy in the future, I would be greatful for your insight and your generosity – you will probably know better than me. One day I’d love to have my own wine cellar (I love those spiral ones you can get that do down into he floor) but until then I’ve found somewhere that can store my bottles. Alternatively, I’m building a small wishlist through Berry Bros, if you wanted a peek let me know and I’ll send it to you.Thank you for your contribution towards my journey into acute alcoholism wine collecting 😂🥂Here’s to us!Kiss,Billie xx

Piste and Love

Latest Mission: Verbier.


Dress Code: Sexy Ski Bunny/ No Makeup/ Big Smile

Outcome: Skied red slopes and didn’t die (successful).

Next mission: You Decide.

Please Don’t Waste Your Life

(First Draft.)

Please Don’t Waste Your Life.


To waste one’s life is a cardinal sinTo do withoutIs a curse withinTo hoard your dreams is aHorrible thingPlease don’t waste your life.Living to labour is a losing gameNeglecting your leisure?A bothersome painBoredom and apathyAddle the brainPlease don’t waste your life.Pride is a poison that takes you by stealthSo remember this remedy:Laugh at yourself.On your mission for wisdom and womenAnd wealthPlease don’t waste your life.A ladle full ofSin and spiceCan much improve the soup of lifeA spoon of safetyWon’t sufficePlease don’t waste your life.When you reach for a breathAnd instead you find noneAnd it’s you and aNurseOr a hearseOr a gunIn the end you will only haveWhat you have done.


Please don’t waste your life.