The political climate is now like a hellish Christmas Selection Box of gargantuan proportions:
Increasingly stale and unpalatable, the choice really comes down to which candidate you dislike the most. I was saying the other day how much I miss the Hague/Prescott era of politics but then I remembered there was a literal recession! A sad indictment of the current state of things that I should look back on the recession as the “good old days” of politics!
Have you ever thought of your favourite politician as a biscuit? (Entirely rhetorical question based on the principle that you almost definitely haven’t).
Well, I have! (Too much time on my hands, clearly!) My thoughts are as follows:
Boris: Ginger Nut. Ginger, obviously. Nutty, obviously. Can survive multiple hard knocks thoroughly unscathed. Talks a strong game but fundamentally crumbly when put in hot water. Cannot be trusted to sustain a thorough tea dunking.
Corbyn: Fair Trade Chocolate Digestive. Ideologically driven but financially unviable. Supposedly the people’s biscuit of choice, but known to be a bit of a melt.
Nicola Surgeon: Shortbread. Short. Strong. Sweet. Scottish. Deliciously retro (those suits are so 80’s they’ve almost come back in fashion). Easy not to like, but impossible not to respect.
Nigel Farage: Jammie Dodger. No further explanation necessary. Not to be consumed by those with a fully developed brain.
Caroline Lucas: Pink wafer. Soft, sweet, easily broken. Can not be taken seriously or compete against other biscuits but still maintains a place in the nation’s heart.
Tony Blair: Jaffa Cake. Cake or biscuit? Hero or villain? Can a jaffa cake be held personally responsible for my expanding waistline? Can Tony Blair be held personally responsible for Iraq? Valid questions, valid questions…
David Cameron: Tunnocks Caramel wafer. A once much loved staple, which has now almost disappeared from the landscape and no one seems to have noticed.
Theresa May: Rich Tea. A lovely old dear. Hopelessly uncool, and brilliantly uncomplicated. Not at all deserving of negative reputation. Somewhat lacking in flavour, but can survive a thorough dunking and remain in tact.
Jacob Rees Mogg: Party Ring. Something not quite right – no one needs to be trying that hard. Under the icing, average at best.
John McDonnell: Jacobs Cream Cracker. Really dry: but here to remind you what it feels like not to have running water and that there’s more to life than material pleasure. Happiest when smothered in margarine (or so I’m told).
Donald Trump: Fig Roll. Smells a bit wierd but no one’s brave enough to mention it. Can only be consumed in miniscule amounts, so best not to consume at all. Even the people that like it, don’t really like it. Squishy and pliable on the outside, a nondescript mess on the inside.
All this selection box talk and I’m now peckish! Still preparing for my shoot so the closest thing I’m having to a biscuit is half a tangerine sat on top of a Ryvita (something I’ve obviously invented and wouldn’t recommend). My running is going so well! So nice this week to connect with others who are interested in fitness too! I have been cooking up a STORM as well, all healthy recipes to combat some of the lovely meals I’ve been having. Can’t wait to move west in the new year, hoping to find somewhere with a bigger kitchen so I can poison, er, I mean, delight you with some of my dishes! Still shopping for the last few bits for my shoot and it’s so much fun picking out which heels, lingerie and outfits to wear. Also if you like vintage cars (who doesn’t) you’re in for a treat!
I will save cars for a separate blog because OMG so many ones I would love. I have a thing for the American vintage cars (Chrysler/Chevvy) because theyre so beautiful and feminine, all that chrome and polished rosewood and leather (too bad about the left hand drive). Even the old mustangs are nice (actually the new mustangs aren’t really my thing but are surprisingly good too). My dream day to day vintage car – if there’s such a thing – would definitely be a Chrysler vintage pick up truck (my fun side), or a Mercedes SL (my classy side). Actually I would also love a Ford Capri complete with the outrageously dated tan interiors. A properly restored red Capri is such a cool car! You dont see them often but I think those boxy 80s cars are ripe to come back in fashion (everything from those old Volvos right up to the Ferrari Testarossa).
Anyway I said that’ll be another blog so I shall be on my way. Off to enjoy an evening of tapas and temptation!
Epic week this week – thanks!